A HEART IN PANIC

ZAYD ARMAAN

CHAPTER 111

A HEART IN PANIC

JIDDAAH BARKUM

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Zayd ya tsaya yana kallonta, kamar bai taɓa tsammanin irin wannan amsar daga gare ta ba, a hankali ya sauke kansa, ya lumshe idanunsa, yana ƙoƙarin haɗiye azabar da ta sake mamaye mararsa, “Don Allah…” ya fara magana cikin raunin murya, “Don Allah, kar ka kira ni da wannan muryar!” Ta katse shi da sauri, “I’m not your nurse! Kuma ba ni ce na saka ka a halin da kake ciki ba,” ya buɗe idanunsa ya kalleta, “I know,” “Ka sani?” Ta maimaita, tana ɗaga gira, “To, me kake nema a nan? Me ya sa ba ka koma can ka kwanta ba? Ko kuwa ka manta cewa akwai matar da ka zaɓa da kanka a can?”

Zayd ya dafe mararsa da ƙarfi, ya sunkuyar da kansa, a wannan karon, bai da ƙarfin yin wata doguwar magana da ita, duk abin da yake so shi ne ya samu sauƙin ciwon da ke neman ƙwace masa hayyacinsa, “Please, ba yanzu ba…” “Ba yanzu ba?” Ta yi wata dariya marar daɗi, “To, yaushe? Lokacin da kake lafiya, ni ma ai ban isheka kallo ba, amma yanzu da ka shiga wani hali, suddenly, Raihana ta zama wadda kake buƙata?” Ya ɗago kansa da sauri, idanunsa suka sauka a kan nata, sai ya lumshe su, yana ƙoƙarin jure ciwon, kafin ya buɗe su a hankali, “You can’t say that,” ya faɗa cikin sanyin murya, yana fatan ta fahimci halin da yake ciki, “Really?” Ta tambaya, tana kallonsa kai tsaye, “Then explain it to me, ka zo nan cikin dare, ka tashe ni daga bacci, what exactly do you expect me to do?”

Zayd ya buɗe baki, amma babu amsar da ta fito, ba don ba shi da abin cewa ba, sai dai saboda duk wata magana da zai yi tana neman ɓacewa ne sakamakon tsananin ciwon da yake ji, a hankali ya fara ja da baya, yana neman wurin da zai jingina, ya ci gaba da tafiya da ƙyar har sai da ya samu damar jingina da bango, yana ƙoƙarin daidaita numfashinsa, Raihana ta lura da yadda ya karkata, sai zuciyarta ta ɗan tsinke, ta yi wani ƙaramin motsi kamar za ta matsa kusa da shi, amma nan take ta tuna da dalilin da ya sa yake gabanta, ta tsaya cak, ta sake naɗe hannayenta a ƙirjinta, no, Raihana, don’t fall for it, ta faɗa a ranta, sannan ta cigaba da magana, “Ka koma wurinta,” ta faɗa cikin sanyin murya, duk da cewa zuciyarta na ta faman bugawa, gaskiya, she couldn’t bring herself to give herself to a man whose position in his heart she didn’t even understand, ba ta ma san matsayinta a wajensa ba, ballantana ta yarda da abin da yake nema daga gare ta, besides, ba kwananta ba ne, ta yaya zai yi mata sallama ya tafi wajen matarsa, sannan bayan wani lokaci ya dawo ya ce ita yake buƙata ba tare da ya ba ta wani explanation ba?

Ta haɗiye yawu, tana ƙoƙarin danne abin da ke tokare mata maƙogwaro, “Idan ita ce ta fara wannan abin da kake ciki, ita ce ya kamata ta kasance a tare da kai yanzu,” Zayd ya girgiza kansa a hankali, “Ba zan iya komawa can ba,” “Me ya hana ka?” Ya yi shiru, “I asked you a question,” ya ɗaga idanunsa zuwa nata, a wannan karon, babu girman kai a fuskarsa, babu irin natsuwar da ta saba gani a tare da shi, abin da ta gani shi ne gajiya, azaba, da wani irin rashin ƙarfin da ya sa ta kasa fahimtar mutumin da ke tsaye a gabanta, “Saboda ko na je, ba zan samu abin da nake so ba, kuma ba zan iya jurewa ba,” ya amsa a ƙarshe.

Raihana ta ji wani abu ya tsaya mata a maƙogwaro, tana so ta fada masa baqar magana wlh amma ganin yanda yakeyi dük jikinta yayi sanyi sai kawai tayi shiru, ganin batace komai ba, sai ya juya, ya dafe bango sosai, wani irin ciwo ya sake ratsawa ta cikinsa, har sai da ya sunkuya ba tare da ya shirya ba, “Ahh…” Raihana ta razana, ta manta da fushinta na ɗan lokaci, ta yi saurin matsawa kusa da shi, amma kafin ta kai gare shi, ya ɗaga hannunsa kamar yana neman dakatar da ita, “I’m fine,” ya faɗa cikin wahala, ta tsaya tana kallonsa, “Fine?” Ta tambaya cikin rashin yarda, “Wannan ne fine ɗin naka? Kana tsaye da ƙyar, zufa ta rufe ka, kana riƙe da cikinka kamar za ka faɗi a kowane lokaci, amma kana ce min you’re fine?”

Zayd bai amsa ba, ya rufe idanunsa, yana ƙoƙarin jurewa, Raihana ta cije leɓenta, duk da irin haushin da yake ranta, ba za ta iya tsayawa tana kallonsa yana fama da irin wannan ciwo ba, amma a lokaci guda, ba ta san abin da ya kamata ta yi ba, ta yaya za ta taimake shi ba tare da ta manta da kanta da matsayinta ba? Kuma ta yaya za ta bambance tsakanin tausayi da sake bari zuciyarta ta ruɗe saboda shi? Ta sauke ajiyar zuciya, tana kallonsa cikin ruɗani, “me kake so in yi maka yanzu?” Bai amsa ba, kawai ya kyale ta, sai dai a maimakon ya tsaya yana ƙoƙarin magana, sai ya fara saukowa a hankali, yana neman yadda zai zauna ko ya kwanta saboda ba ya iya ɗaukar nauyin jikinsa yadda ya kamata.

Da farko Raihana ta ɗauka zai zauna a ƙasa ne kawai, amma sai ta ga yadda hannayensa suka fara neman abin jingina, ƙafafunsa suka kasa riƙe shi, sannan ya sauka a kan gwiwoyinsa, ta sake matsowa zata rike shi amma wani kallo da yayi mata batasan yanda akayi ta koma inda take ba, ya yi ƙoƙarin miƙewa, amma ya kasa, wani irin nishi ya kuɓuce masa, sai ya dafe cikinsa da hannayensa biyu, ya sunkuyar da kansa, “Damn it…” Raihana ta zaro ido, “Ka bari na taimaka maka ka kwanta,” yayi kaamr Allah baiyi ruwanta a dakin ba, a hankali ya ɗora tafin hannayensa a ƙasa, ya fara rarrafe yana neman hanyar zuwa bathroom ɗin da ke cikin ɗakin.

Raihana ta tsaya cak tana kallonsa, a gaskiya, ba ta taɓa ganin Zayd a irin wannan yanayin ba, mutumin da ko a lokacin da yake fushi yake da irin wannan natsuwa da kamun kai, yanzu yana rarrafe a ƙasa saboda ya kasa tsayuwa, “Please allow me to help you…” ta sake fada, wannan karon muryarta ta fi ta baya rauni, amma bai amsa ba, ya ci gaba da rarrafe a hankali, yana jan jikinsa da ƙyar, lokaci-lokaci yana tsayawa ya dafe cikinsa kafin ya sake matsawa gaba, kowane motsi yana nuna irin azabar da yake ciki, Raihana ta bi shi da ido, zuciyarta na bugawa, amma har yanzu ƙafafunta sun kasa ɗaukar mataki, ya Allah, what is happening to him?

Da ƙyar Zayd ya kai bakin ƙofar toilet ɗin, ya ɗan tsaya a wurin, ya jingina da ƙofar yana ƙoƙarin samun numfashi, kafin ya tura ta a hankali ya shige da rarrafensa, Raihana ta matso kaɗan, amma ba ta kai ga binsa ciki ba, da ya shiga, sai ya ja ƙofar ya rufe ta daga ciki, sautin ƙofar da ta rufe ya sa Raihana ta ɗago kanta, ta tsaya tana kallon ƙofar na ɗan lokaci, kafin ta sauke ajiyar zuciya ta juya ta koma wajen gadon, a tunaninta, watakila zai ɗan zauna ne, ya wanke fuskarsa ko ya yi wani abu, sannan ya fito ya koma inda ya fito.

Ta hau kan gadon a hankali, ta zauna tana dafe cheeks ɗinta, tana fuskantar kofar banɗakin, duk da haka, ta kasa samun nutsuwa nan take, tana jin shiru, sai ta tuna yadda Zayd ya yi rarrafe zuwa toilet ɗin, ta ɗan ɗago kanta tana kallon ƙofar, babu komai, ta cire hannunta daga kumatun ta ta dafe kanta, “Maybe he just needs some time,” ta raɗa a hankali, mintuna suka fara wucewa, Raihana ta tashi daga wannan gefe zuwa wancan, amma wani ɓangare na zuciyarta yana ci gaba da tuna mata cewa Zayd bai fito ba, ta kalli agogon da ke gefen gadon, mintuna talatin sun wuce, ta ɗan ɗaga kanta, tana jiran ta ji motsin ƙofa ko sautin famfo, amma shiru, “Har yanzu?” ta furta a hankali.

Ta sake zama a kan gadon, ta zuba wa ƙofar ido na ɗan lokaci, sai ta sake kwanciya, tana ƙoƙarin shawo kan kanta cewa wataƙila yana buƙatar lokaci ne kawai, amma lokacin ya ci gaba da tafiya, mintuna talatin suka koma awa ɗaya, Raihana ta fara jin wani irin rashin nutsuwa, ta zauna sosai, tana kallon ƙofar toilet ɗin kamar tana jiran ta buɗe da kanta, a hankali, awa ɗaya ta ƙara wucewa, har yanzu babu motsin ƙofa, sai a lokacin ne tsoron Raihana ya fara ƙaruwa sosai, ta zauna a zabure, ta kalli agogo, sannan ta sake kallon ƙofar, “Ya Allah…” ta furta, tana jin zuciyarta na bugawa.

Ta tuna yadda Zayd ya rarrafa zuwa wajen ƙofar, ta tuna yadda zufa ta rufe shi, yadda ya kasa tsayuwa, da yadda ya yi ƙoƙarin ɓoye mata irin ciwon da yake ji, what if something has happened to him? Ta girgiza kanta da sauri, tana ƙoƙarin kore wannan tunanin, “A’a, ba komai, zai fito yanzu,” amma bayan wani lokaci, har yanzu shiru, Raihana ta kasa zama a kan gadon, ta miƙe a hankali, ta gyara mayafinta da ya zame kaɗan, sannan ta fara takawa zuwa ƙofar toilet ɗin, a duk matakin da take ɗauka, zuciyarta na ƙara bugawa, da ta isa bakin ƙofar, sai ta tsaya tana kallonta, ta ɗaga hannunta, ta yi knocking a hankali.

Babu amsa, ta sake knocking, wannan karon da ɗan ƙarfi, “ka na ji na?” Har yanzu shiru, Raihana ta fara jin hannayenta suna rawa, ta ɗan matsa kusa da ƙofar, ta sa kunnenta a jikinta, tana ƙoƙarin jin ko akwai motsin ruwa ko wani sauti daga ciki, nothing, ba ta ji zubar ruwa ba, ba ta ji motsin mutum ba, babu komai face wani irin shiru da ya fara tsorata ta fiye da yadda ta zata, “… please, ka amsa min,” muryarta ta fito ƙasa sosai, ta sake sa kunnenta a ƙofar, tana jiran ko za ta ji wani abu, amma shiru.

A wannan karon, tsoron ya mamaye ta gaba ɗaya, ta miƙa hannunta a hankali zuwa handle ɗin ƙofar, ta tsaya na ɗan lokaci tana kallon hannunta da ke rawa, sai ta haɗiye yawu, ta murɗa handle ɗin a hankali, ƙofar ta buɗe, nan take zuciyarta ta fara bugawa da wani irin sauri da ba ta taɓa ji ba, ta tura ƙofar kaɗan, ta leƙa da kanta cikin bathroom ɗin, sai kuwa… ta yi freeze a inda take, idanunta suka zaro, bakinta ya buɗe amma babu wata kalma da ta iya fitowa, “Innalillahi…” muryarta ta makale a maƙogwaro.

Abin da ta gani a cikin bathroom ɗin ya sa kanta ya yi wani irin dummmmmm! Zayd ne kwance a ƙasa, rub da ciki, jikinsa a miƙe ba tare da wani motsi ba, hannunsa ɗaya yana shimfiɗe a gefensa, ɗayan kuma a manne da gefen mararsa, kamar yadda yake yi a duk lokacin da ciwon ya taso masa, amma a wannan karon, babu motsin da ta saba gani, babu alamar yana ƙoƙarin tashi, babu ko motsin da zai nuna mata cewa yana jin abin da ke faruwa a kusa da shi, “Na shiga uku,” muryarta ta fito a hankali, tana rawa, ta tsaya tana kallonsa, kamar tana jiran ya motsa ya ɗago kansa ya kalle ta da waɗancan idanunsa masu sanyin nan, amma shiru kawai ta samu.

Ta ɗauki mataki ɗaya zuwa cikin bathroom ɗin, idanunta ba su bar jikinsa ba, Raihana ta haɗiye yawu, hannunta ya fara rawa sosai, sai ta ɗora shi a ƙirjinta kamar hakan zai iya hana zuciyarta tsallewa daga jikinta, “No… no, please…” Ta ƙara matsawa kusa da shi a hankali, da ta isa inda yake, sai ta durƙusa a gefensa, tana kallon yadda yake kwance ba tare da ya motsa ba, “Don Allah… ka tashi,” ta ɗaga hannunta a hankali, ta taɓa kafaɗarsa, “Please, ka tashi mana…” Ta ɗan girgiza kafaɗarsa, da farko a hankali, sannan ta ƙara ƙarfi saboda tsoron da ya fara mamaye ta.

A wannan lokacin ne ta fara jin kamar ƙafafunta sun daina ɗaukar nauyinta duk da cewa a zaune take, ta matsa hannunta zuwa bayansa, tana ƙoƙarin gano ko yana numfashi, amma tsoro ya hana ta fahimtar abin da take ji, ta sunkuya kusa da shi, tana kiran sa a hankali, hawaye sun fara taruwa a idanunta, “Please… ka amsa min mana…” Ta sake taɓa shi, “Don Allah…” Amma Zayd bai motsa ba, Raihana ta ja baya kaɗan, ta ɗora hannayenta a bakinta, idanunta suka cika da hawaye, waɗanda suka fara zuba kafin ma ta fahimci cewa tana kuka, “No… no, this can’t be happening…”

Ta girgiza kanta da ƙarfi, tana ƙoƙarin ƙin yarda da abin da take gani, ba zai yiwu ba, ai bai daɗe da barinta a waje ba, ai yana magana da ita kafin ya shigo, ai ko da yake yana fama da ciwo, har yanzu yana iya magana, to, me ya faru yanzu? “Please… ka tashi mana…” Ta sake matsa masa hannu a hankali, amma har yanzu babu wani motsi daga gare shi, a wannan karon, tsoron ya mamaye ta gaba ɗaya, ta yi saurin miƙewa, amma ƙafafunta suka yi rauni har sai da ta kama gefen bango domin kada ta faɗi, ta sake kallonsa, hawaye na zuba mata ba kakkautawa, “Wayyo Allah na…”

Sai ta juya ta fito daga bathroom ɗin a guje, “Wayyo me na aikata masa?! Na shiga uku! Na shiga uku na lalace!” Ta kai tsakiyar ɗakin, ta tsaya cak tana ƙoƙarin jan numfashi, hannayenta biyu suna rawa, hawaye na zuba mata, yayin da zuciyarta ke bugawa kamar za ta tsage ƙirjinta, “Ya Allah, don Allah kar ka bari wani abu ya same shi…” Ta share fuskarta da tafin hannunta, amma hawayen suka ci gaba da zuba, ta sake waiwaya zuwa ƙofar bathroom ɗin, tana tsammanin wataƙila zai fito ya same ta a tsaye, ya tambaye ta me ya sa take wannan hayaniyar, amma babu wanda ya fito.

Sai ta tuna da wayarta, “Wayata… ina wayata?” Ta fara duba kan gadon cikin firgici, ta ɗaga duvet, ta duba gefen pillow, ta duba kan bedside table, amma saboda yadda hankalinta ya tashi, ta kasa tuna inda ta ajiye ta, “Wayyo Allah na! Ina na ajiye wayar nan?!” Ta fara zagaye ɗakin tana neman ta, tana share hawayenta da bayan hannunta, a ƙarshe ta hango wayar a kan ƙaramin teburin da ke gefen gadon, da sauri ta garzaya wajenta, ta ɗauka, amma hannunta na rawa sosai har sai da ta kusa zubar da ita, ta kunna screen ɗin, tana ƙoƙarin tunanin wanda za ta kira.

“Wa zan kira yanzu?” Ta kalli wayar, tana share hawayen da suka sake zubo mata, “Suhaila?” Ta girgiza kanta da sauri, “No, no, no… ba ita ba,” ta san Suhaila za ta firgita sosai idan ta ji abin da ke faruwa, kuma ita kanta Raihana ba ta san yadda za ta bayyana mata yanayin da Zayd yake ciki ba, ta yaya za ta ce mata mijinta ya shigo toilet, sannan ya faɗi a ƙasa kuma ya ƙi tashi? Ta sake girgiza kanta, tana ƙoƙarin tattara hankalinta, “Sameer…?” Wata zuciyar ta kawo mata sunan Sameer, amma nan take ta sake tsayawa cak, “Sameer fa?”

Ta kalli agogon da ke bangon ɗakin, sannan ta koma kallon wayarta, ba dare ne ya yi sosai ba har a ce ba za ta iya kiran kowa ba, ƙarfe goma da wani abu ne kawai, amma duk da haka, a cikin firgicin da take ciki, komai ya rikice mata, ta kasa tantance wanda ya kamata ta fara kira, ko abin da ya kamata ta fara faɗa, da sauri ta buɗe contacts ɗin wayarta, tana ƙoƙarin gano lambar Sameer tun ranar da ta dauka a jikin magazine din da aka basu wajen outreach programme lokacin data kirashi tace tana neman Zayd she saved it nan ta shiga neman number din, hannunta na rawa sosai, har sai da ta yi kuskure sau biyu kafin ta samu damar danna sunansa.

Ta kai wayar kunnenta, zuciyarta na bugawa da ƙarfi yayin da take jiran ya ɗauka, kiran na biyu, sai ta ji an ɗauka, “Good evening, madam,” Sameer ne, Raihana ta buɗe baki, amma na ɗan lokaci ta kasa magana, hawayen da take ta ƙoƙarin riƙewa suka sake zubo mata, yayin da idanunta suka koma kallon ƙofar bathroom ɗin, “Madam? Hello?” Ta haɗiye yawu da ƙyar, “Dan Allah… Sameer…” Muryarta ta fito a karye, har sai da Sameer ya canja yanayin muryarsa, “Madam? What happened?” “Dan Allah, kana ina?” Ta tambaya da sauri, ba tare da ta tsaya yin wata gaisuwa ko bayanin yadda ta kira shi ba, “Kazo, please! Ba shi da lafiya, dan Allah ka zo yanzu!”

Sameer ya miƙe daga inda yake zaune, hankalinsa ya tashi, “Madam, what do you mean? Me ya faru da boss?” Raihana ta rufe bakinta da hannunta, tana ƙoƙarin danne kukan da ya taso mata, “Ban sani ba! Ban sani ba!” Ta yi saurin amsawa, “Yana toilet, ya shiga tun da daɗewa, amma bai fito ba, na kira shi, na yi knocking, amma ba ya amsawa, na shiga na same shi a ƙasa… please, Sameer, ka zo!” Shiru ya biyo baya na ɗan daƙiƙa, “Madam, calm down, kin tabbatar yana cikin toilet ɗin?” “Eh! Wallahi eh! Na gan shi da idona!” Ta fashe da kuka, “Na taɓa shi amma bai tashi ba, dan Allah ka zo, ina roƙonka!”

Sameer ya ɗauki makullinsa da sauri, yana ƙoƙarin fahimtar abin da yake ji, “Okay, madam, I’m coming right now,” “Please…” Ta sake maimaitawa, kamar kalmar ce kawai ta rage mata, “Kada ka gaya wa Ummie, please, kada ka kira ta yanzu, ka zo kawai, ko ka kira Yaya Imraan ku zo tare, ina buƙatar taimakonku, Sameer, dan Allah!” “Madam, listen to me, zan zo yanzu, zan kuma kira ya zo tare da ni, amma ki yi ƙoƙarin kwantar da hankalinki, kin ji?” Raihana ta girgiza kai, duk da cewa ba zai iya ganinta ba, “Okay… okay, amma ka yi sauri, please, ka yi sauri!” “I will, madam, muna hanya yanzu,” kiran ya katse.

Raihana ta sauke wayar daga kunnenta, amma hannunta bai daina rawa ba, ta tsaya tana kallon screen ɗin na ɗan lokaci, kafin ta sake ɗaga idanunta zuwa ƙofar bathroom ɗin, “Ya Allah, don Allah…” Ta share fuskarta, ta yi ƙoƙarin tara ƙarfin hali, sannan ta fara takawa zuwa bakin ƙofar a hankali, ta tsaya a wajen, tana jin tsoron sake shiga, amma ta kasa barin shi shi kaɗai a ciki, da sauri ta shiga ta ɗago kanshi ta ɗora a kan laps ɗinta, tana shafa fuskarshi yayin da hawaye ke zuba daga idanunta, suna sauka a kan fuskarshi.

“I’m sorry,” ta faɗa cikin rawar murya, tana girgiza kanshi a hankali, “Ka tashi don Allah, ba zan sake ba, wallahi ba zan sake ba, please, ka tashi!” Ta ci gaba da shafa fuskarshi, tana kallonshi cikin tsananin tsoro, amma shiru, babu ko motsi daga gare shi, ba ta san tsawon lokacin da ta ɗiba a wajen ba sai da ta ji ƙarar horn ɗin mota, da sauri ta firgita, ta ajiye kanshi a ƙasa ta miƙe, ta fito daga toilet ɗin da gudu, daga nan ta sauko ƙasa, domin ta san Sameer ne ya zo.

Nan kuwa ta hango shi tare da Imraan, da sauri ta ƙarasa wajensu tana hawaye, ta fara nuna musu hanyar part ɗinta da hannu, amma ta kasa furta komai saboda tsananin firgici, “Raihana? What happened?” Imraan ya tambaya, yana kallon yadda take rawar jiki, amma ta kasa amsawa, cikin sauri su biyun suka nufi part ɗin nata, hankalinsu a tashe, ita ma ta rufa musu baya, har suka isa ɗakin Zayd, Imraan ya juyo ya kalleta, “Yana ina?” Ta ɗaga hannu ta nuna masa bandakin, jikinta yana rawa saboda firgicin abin da ka iya faruwa, ba tare da ɓata lokaci ba, su biyun suka nufi toilet ɗin, ba a jima ba suka fito, Imraan ɗauke da Zayd a kafaɗarsa.

Zayd yana nan kwance, jikinsa yayi shakwaf, kamar ba shi da rai, Raihana ta tsaya cak, idanunta a kan Zayd, yayin da sabon kuka ya ƙwace mata, “Ya Allah na…” ta furta a hankali, tana jin kamar ƙafafunta ba za su iya sake ɗaukar ta ba a rayuwa!