BETWEEN FEAR AND REGRET

ZAYD ARMAAN

CHAPTER 112

BETWEEN FEAR AND REGRET

JIDDAAH BARKUM

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Raihana tana tsaye a wajen, idanunta a kan Zayd da Imraan ya ɗauka, sai ta juya da sauri ta fara neman hijab ɗinta, nan take ta hango shi a kan sofa, ta garzaya ta ɗauka ta zura, sannan ta bi bayansu da sauri, zuciyarta na bugawa saboda tsananin firgici, Imraan har ya riga ya saka Zayd a bayan mota, yana shirin shiga kusa da shi, yana ƙoƙarin gyara yadda ya kwantar da shi kenan, sai ga Raihana ta ƙaraso da sauri, da ya gan ta, sai ya matsa gefe ya buɗe mata wuri, “Shiga, ki zauna da shi a baya, I’ll sit in front,” ba ta tsaya bata lokaci ba, ta shiga motar ta zauna kusa da Zayd, nan take ta zura hannunta ta bayansa, ta ɗago shi a hankali ta ɗora kansa a kafaɗarta, tana riƙe da shi kamar tana tsoron kada ya zame mata, “Please, ka tashi…” ta raɗa masa a kunne a hankali, idanunta sun cika da hawaye, ta kalli fuskarsa, sannan ta sake dafe shi sosai, tana ƙoƙarin jin ko akwai wani motsi daga gare shi, zuciyarta na bugawa da wani irin sauri, yayin da tunanin abin da zai iya faruwa da shi ya hana ta samun nutsuwa, Imraan ya rufe ƙofar motar, ya zagaya ya shiga gaba, Sameer kuma ya na zaune a driver seat, ba tare da ɓata lokaci ba, motar ta fice daga harabar gidan, a baya, Raihana ta kasa ɗauke idanunta daga fuskar Zayd, ta ɗan gyara kansa a kafaɗarta, tana shafa gashin kansa a hankali, hawaye na gangarowa a kumatunta, “Don Allah, ka tashi… please,” ta sake furtawa cikin rawar murya, “Ba zan sake ba… wallahi ba zan sake ba,” amma Zayd bai motsa ba, ta haɗiye kukan da ya taso mata, ta ƙara rungume shi, tana kallon hanyar da suke bi, tana addu’ar Allah Ya taimake ta ya ta shi.

A ɗaya ɓangaren gidan, Seeyama tana tsaye a jikin tagar ɗakinta, tana leƙen compound ɗin, tana jin motsin mota da farko, sai ta ɗan buɗe labulen tana son ganin wanda ya shigo, abin da ta fara hangowa shi ne yayanta Imraan tare da Sameer, ta ɗan daure fuska, what are they doing here at this time? Ta ci gaba da kallonsu, sai ta ga Raihana ma tana tsaye tare da su, ba a daɗe ba, sai duk suka shige part ɗin Raihana, Seeyama ta saki labulen a hankali, tana mamakin abin da ke faruwa, ta tsaya na ɗan lokaci, kafin ta sake leƙawa ta taga, ba a daɗe ba, sai ta ga sun sake fitowa, amma a wannan karon… Zuciyarta ta yi wani mugun azababben bugu, Imraan ne ya fito ɗauke da Zayd a kafaɗarsa, Seeyama ta zaro ido, jikinta ya yi sanyi lokaci guda, ta kasa motsawa daga inda take, tana kallon yadda suka nufi motar cikin gaggawa, ta ga Sameer ya buɗe musu ƙofa, sannan ta hango Raihana tana shiga bayan motar, a take, ta saki labulen ta koma baya, hannayenta suka tafi kanta, “Na shiga uku!” ta faɗa cikin rawar murya, ta zube a gefen gado, tana girgiza kai, hawaye suka fara zuba mata, “Shikenan… na kashe shi!” Ta fashe da kuka, “Wayyo Allah na! Na kashe mijina!” Ta dafe kanta da hannayenta biyu, tana ƙoƙarin ɗaukar numfashi, amma tsoron da ya mamaye ta ya hana ta samun nutsuwa, what have I done? A hankali ta tuna da abin da ta yi, maganin da ta saya, yadda ta zuba masa fiye da yadda aka ce mata, yadda ta zauna tana jiran ya fara aiki, da yadda komai ya rikice a ƙarshe, ta share hawayenta da bayan hannunta, amma suka sake zubo mata, “Ya Allah, don Allah kar ya mutu… don Allah!” Da sauri ta miƙe ta fara neman wayarta, ta ɗauki pillow ta ajiye gefe, ta duba kan gado, sannan ta hango wayar a kan ƙaramin stool, ba ta tsaya bata lokaci ba, ta ɗauka ta danna lambar Safina, kira biyu kawai suka yi, sai aka ɗauka, “Hello…?” Muryar Safina ta fito a kasalance, alamar ta fara bacci, “Na shiga uku!” Seeyama ta fashe da kuka, a ɗayan ɓangaren, Safina ta tashi zaune da sauri, baccin da ke idonta ya gudu, “Seeyama? Lafiya? Me ya faru?” “Zayd… Zayd…” Safina ta yi shiru na ɗan lokaci, tana ƙoƙarin fahimtar abin da take ji, “Zayd me? Seeyama, speak to me! What happened?” Seeyama ta dafe ƙirjinta, tana kuka kamar ranta zai fita, “Na shiga uku, Safina! Na shiga uku!” “Seeyama, calm down, ki yi numfashi, ki gaya min me ya faru, what did you do?” Jin tambayar ya sa Seeyama ta ƙara fashewa da kuka, “Shikenan… shikenan na lalace!” “Seeyama!” Ta ja numfashi da ƙyar, sannan ta fara magana cikin rawar murya, “Bayan mun rabu da ke, ban dawo gida ba, na tsaya na sayi wani magani… maganin ƙarfin sha’awa mai mugun ƙarfi,” Safina ta zaro ido, ta gyara zamanta a kan gado, “Wait, what?” Seeyama ta share hawayenta, amma muryarta ta ci gaba da rawa, “To, da na dawo gida, sai Zayd ma ya shigo, ya zo da fura da nono, na ce bari na kawo masa wani abu ya sha, amma ya ce min ba ya jin yunwa, ya ci abinci a wajen Ummie,” ta dakata, tana kuka, “Na dage, amma ya ƙi, daga ƙarshe ya bar ni, sai na zuba masa maganin a cikin fura da nonon…” “Seeyama!” Safina ta katse ta da sauri, “Kin zuba masa maganin ne?!” “Eh!” Ta amsa cikin kuka, “Ya sha, Safina, ya sha duka!” Safina ta rufe bakinta da tafin hannunta, tana kallon gabanta cikin rashin yarda, “Ya Allah…” Seeyama ta ci gaba da magana, kamar tana son zubar da duk abin da ke zuciyarta kafin ta fashe, “Maganin ya fara aiki, kuma… komai ya kusan kammala kenan sai ga jini! Jinin da ban san daga ina ya fito ba, na shiga rudani, Safina, ban san me ya faru ba!” Ta sake fashewa da kuka, “Amma abin da ya fi bani tsoro shi ne… physician ɗin ya ce min kada maganin ya wuce tablets biyu, amma ni na saka takwas!” Safina ta yi shiru, shiru mai nauyi, ta kasa cewa komai na ɗan lokaci, tana ƙoƙarin fahimtar girman abin da Seeyama ta aikata, “Eight tablets?” ta tambaya a ƙarshe, muryarta cike da firgici, “Seeyama, are you out of your mind?!” “Ban sani ba!” Seeyama ta yi saurin amsawa, “Wallahi ban san me ya shiga kaina ba! Na yi tunanin zai taimaka min ne, zai sa ya kasance tare da ni, ya manta da ita, ban san zai kai ga haka ba!” “Kin san abin da kika saka masa kuwa? Kin san illar da hakan zai iya yi masa?” “Safina, don Allah kar ki ƙara faɗa min haka ki daina tayar min da hankali!” Ta dafe kanta, tana kuka, “Ni kaina na san na yi kuskure!” Ta yi shiru na ɗan lokaci, tana ƙoƙarin jan numfashi, “Bayan komai ya faru, sai ya tafi wajen waccan yarinyar, ya ce min ba ni kaɗai ce matarsa ba, ya ce ba zai zauna ya mutu saboda abin da na yi masa ba…” Muryarta ta karye, “Ba daɗewa ba sai ga Yaya Imraan da Sameer sun zo, na gan su sun shiga part ɗin, sannan suka fito da shi a motar, Safina, yana kama da ba shi da rai!” Ta fashe da wani sabon kuka, “Na shiga uku! Allah Ya sa ba mutuwa zai yi ba, ya zan yi? Ina zan saka raina? Me zan gaya wa mutane idan wani abu ya same shi?” Safina ta sauke wayar daga kunnenta na ɗan lokaci, tana kallon bango cikin tsananin damuwa, da farko ta ɗauka Seeyama kawai tana cikin wani sabon rikici ne, amma wannan karon abin ya wuce duk abin da ta taɓa tsammani, ta sake ɗaga wayar zuwa kunnenta, “Seeyama, listen to me carefully,” Seeyama ta yi shiru, tana kuka a hankali, “Abin da kika yi babban kuskure ne, amma yanzu ba lokacin da za ki zauna kina kuka ba ne, Zayd ya na asibiti, ko ba haka ba?” “Eh…” ta amsa cikin raunin murya, “Sun fita da shi,” “To, ki yi addu’a Allah Ya ba shi lafiya, amma idan maganin da kika ba shi yana da alaƙa da halin da yake ciki, dole likitoci su san abin da ya sha da kuma yawan da kika ba shi, kada ki ɓoye musu komai,” Seeyama ta runtse idanunta, tana jin tsoron abin da hakan zai haifar, “Amma idan suka gano ni ce na saka masa fa?” Safina ta yi shiru na ɗan lokaci kafin ta amsa, “Seeyama, lafiyarsa ce ta fi komai muhimmanci yanzu, kin ji ni?” Seeyama ba ta amsa ba, ta ci gaba da kuka, tana jin kamar rayuwarta ta fara rugujewa a gabanta, a wannan daren, duk wani shirin da ta yi na ganin ta mallaki Zayd ya koma wani irin mummunan mafarki, kuma a karon farko, ba Raihana ce ta fi tsorata ta ba, abin da ya fi tsorata Seeyama shi ne tunanin cewa wataƙila ta riga ta rasa mutumin da ta yi duk wannan ne domin ta same shi.

Da isarsu asibiti, sameer ya yi horn sau biyu, kafin nurses biyu suka fito da stretcher a guje, da suka buɗe ƙofar motar suka ga Zayd a halin da yake ciki, nan take suka taimaka suka kwantar da shi a kan stretcher ɗin, “Quickly, take him to the emergency room!” ɗaya daga cikin nurses ɗin ta faɗa, tana nuna musu hanyar shiga, Sameer ya bi su a baya, yayin da Imraan ya taimaka musu wajen tura stretcher ɗin zuwa emergency unit, Raihana kuwa tana tsaye a wajen motar, ta kasa motsawa na ɗan lokaci, idanunta suna bin yadda suke tafiya da Zayd, kamar hankalinta ya ƙi yarda da abin da take gani, har imran ya dawo bata sani ba, “Raihana, zo mu shiga,” Imraan ya kira ta, ta juyo ta kalle shi, amma ba ta ce komai ba, hawaye kawai ke zuba mata, “Please, ki yi hakuri and stop crying, za su kula da shi,” ta gyada kai a hankali, sannan ta bi shi zuwa cikin asibitin, zuciyarta cike da tsoro da ruɗani, da suka isa reception, nurses suka karɓi bayanan Zayd cikin gaggawa, kafin su sanar da likitan da ke duty, ba a daɗe ba aka shigar da shi cikin emergency room, Raihana ta tsaya tana kallon ƙofar da aka shigar da shi, hannayenta a haɗe a gabanta, ta yi ƙoƙarin zama a kan kujerar da ke reception, amma mintuna kaɗan kawai take yi sai ta miƙe ta koma tsaye, ta yi tafiya zuwa ƙofar emergency room, ta tsaya, sannan ta dawo ta koma wajen kujerun, duk lokacin da wani nurse ya fito, sai ta ɗago da sauri tana fatan jin wani labari game da Zayd, “Ya Allah, don Allah ka taimake ni,” ta faɗa, tana share hawayenta, Imraan ya lura da yadda take cikin tashin hankali, sai ya ƙaraso ya tsaya a gabanta, “Raihana, please, ki zauna,” ta girgiza kanta, “Ba zan iya zama ba, Yaya Imraan, I can’t, har yanzu ban san me ya same shi ba,” “Na fahimta, amma ba za ki taimaka masa ba idan kika ci gaba da tsayuwa kina rawar jiki haka, likitoci suna tare da shi yanzu, bari su yi aikinsu,” ta kalli ƙofar emergency room ɗin, sannan ta sake kallon Imraan, “Amma fa bai buɗe idanunsa ba tun lokacin da na same shi, na kira shi, na girgiza shi, amma bai amsa min ba…” Muryarta ta karye, ta kasa ƙarasa maganar, Imraan ya sauke ajiyar zuciya, “Shhh… ki kwantar da hankalinki, Zayd mutum ne mai ƙarfi, kin ji? In Sha Allah zai samu sauƙi,” “Amma what if—” “Babu what if, Raihana,” Ya katse ta a hankali, “Ki yi addu’a kawai, we have to trust the doctors,” ta runtse idanunta, tana ƙoƙarin danne sabon kukan da ya taso mata, Imraan ya ja kujerar da ke kusa da ita, “Zauna mana, just for a few minutes, please,” a wannan karon, ta kasa musa masa, a hankali ta zauna a kujerar, ta ɗora hannayenta a cinyarta, amma idanunta ba su bar ƙofar emergency room ɗin ba, Imraan ya zauna kusa da ita, yana ƙoƙarin bata baki duk da cewa shi kansa yana cikin damuwa.

A cikin emergency room, likitoci sun fara duba Zayd nan take, an haɗa shi da na’urar lura da bugun zuciya da oxygen saturation, yayin da wani nurse ya auna blood pressure ɗinsa, likitan ya duba numfashinsa da yanayin jikinsa, sannan ya leko ya kira sameer da imran dan ya ga raihana ya rude sosai ya fara tambayar Sameer da Imraan game da abin da ya faru kafin su kawo shi, “Do you know if he took any medication or substance tonight?” Sameer ya kalli Imraan, amma babu wanda ya iya ba da amsa, “We found him unconscious in the bathroom, Doctor,” Imraan ya bayyana, “He had been complaining of severe abdominal pain before that,” likitan ya gyada kai, yana ci gaba da binciken lafiyarsa, “Has he been vomiting? Any known medical condition?” “No, Doctor, not that we know of,” likitan ya ba nurses umarni su ci gaba da lura da yanayin Zayd, sannan aka fara ba shi kulawar da ya dace bisa ga abin da suka gano, an kuma ɗauki samfurin jininsa domin a gudanar da gwaje-gwajen da za su taimaka wajen gano abin da ke faruwa, bayan ɗan lokaci, likitan ya sake duba sakamakon farko da yanayin Zayd, yana tambayar nurses game da yadda yake amsawa ga kulawar da ake ba shi, a hankali, numfashin Zayd ya fara daidaituwa, sai bayan wani lokaci ne yatsunsa suka motsa kaɗan, nurse ɗin da ke kusa da shi ta lura da hakan nan take, “Doctor, I think he’s responding,” likitan ya ƙaraso kusa da gadon, ya duba idanunsa da yadda yake amsawa, yana kiran sunansa a hankali, likitan ya matso kusa da shi, “Mr. Armaan? Can you hear me?” Zayd ya buɗe idanunsa a hankali, da farko, komai ya yi masa duhu, kansa yana masa nauyi, jikinsa kuma babu ƙarfi, ya lumshe idanunsa na ɗan lokaci kafin ya sake buɗe su, Zayd ya ja numfashi a hankali, sannan ya sake buɗe idanunsa, “Where… am I?” “You’re in the hospital, you lost consciousness, and we’re trying to find out why,” Zayd ya yi ƙoƙarin motsa jikinsa, amma likitan ya ɗaga hannu ya dakatar da shi, “Don’t try to get up yet, you need to rest,” Zayd ya koma ya kwanta, yana ƙoƙarin tuna abin da ya faru, a hankali, tunaninsa ya fara dawowa, ciwon da ya addabe shi, yadda ya kasa tsayuwa, sannan ya shiga toilet ɗin… Sai kuma fuskar Raihana ta faɗo masa a rai, “Mr. Armaan, kana jina? Can you hear me clearly?” Zayd ya kalli likitan, sannan ya gyada kai a hankali, “Good, kana asibiti yanzu, ka suma ne, kuma muna ƙoƙarin gano ainihin abin da ya jawo hakan, tell me, how are you feeling right now?” Zayd ya haɗiye yawu, “My stomach… it hurts,” likitan ya gyada kai, “I understand, ka yi ƙoƙarin kwantar da hankalinka, muna kula da kai, amma ina son ka amsa min wasu muhimman tambayoyi, shin ka sha wani magani yau? Any pills to increase sexual performance ko sexual desire?” Zayd ya lumshe idanunsa, yana jin ciwon kansa ya ƙaru, “No, I didn’t take any pills,” “Are you sure? Ka ci ko ka sha wani abu na daban yau? Wani abu da ba ka saba sha ba, ko kuma wanda wani ya ba ka ba tare da ka san abin da ke cikinsa ba?” Zayd ya yi shiru na ɗan lokaci, yana ƙoƙarin tuna abin da ya faru kafin ciwon ya tsananta, “I had fura da nono,” ya amsa cikin sanyin murya, “But I didn’t take any medication,” likitan ya kalli bayanan da ke hannunsa, sannan ya sake kallon Zayd, “Okay, na ji abin da ka faɗa, amma symptoms ɗin da kake nunawa suna da damuwa, kuma dole ne mu gano abin da ya jawo su, idan har wani ya ba ka wani abu ba tare da saninka ba, yana da muhimmanci ka gaya mana, it could help us determine the cause and give you the right treatment,” Zayd ya ɗan daure fuska, “Doctor, I told you I didn’t take any pills,” “I understand, Mr. Armaan, ba ina zarginka da komai ba ne, ina son mu tabbatar da cewa ba mu yi watsi da wani abu mai muhimmanci ba, lafiyarka ce a gaba yanzu,” likitan ya ɗan ja kujera kusa da gadon, sannan ya ci gaba da magana, “Amma akwai wani abu da nake son ka fahimta, as a young man, ba lallai ne ka buƙaci shan magungunan ƙarfin sha’awa ba kafin sha’awarka ta tashi, jikin namiji yana da tsarin da yake bi naturally, ba sai ka taimaka masa da irin waɗannan magunguna ba, especially idan ba likita ne ya rubuta maka su ba,” ya ɗan tsaya, yana kallon Zayd cikin tsanaki, “Ka fahimce ni? Waɗannan magungunan ba abin wasa ba ne, wasu suna da ƙarfi sosai, kuma idan mutum ya sha fiye da adadin da ya kamata, suna iya jawo matsaloli masu tsanani, overdose ba ƙaramin abu ba ne, zai iya shafar bugun zuciya, hawan jini, da sauran ayyukan jiki, shi ya sa nake gaya maka cewa kada ka taɓa shan irin waɗannan magunguna ba tare da shawarar ƙwararren likita ba,” Zayd ya ɗan motsa kansa, yana jin kunya da rashin jin daɗin yadda ake masa magana wai ya sha maganin Karin sha’awa, likitan ya ci gaba, “Right now, abin da ya fi muhimmanci shi ne mu kula da kai, za mu ci gaba da duba lafiyarka, mu jira sakamakon gwaje-gwajen da muka yi, sannan mu tabbatar cewa babu wata matsala da ta rage, za ka kwana a nan ƙarƙashin kulawar mu tonight,” Zayd ya ɗan lumshe idanunsa, sannan ya buɗe su ya kalli likitan, “Doctor…” “Yes?” “Please, I don’t want anyone to know about this,” likitan ya kalle shi na ɗan lokaci, sannan ya gyada kai, don’t worry, I’ll respect your privacy, for now, you need to rest, we’ll keep you under observation until morning, and if your condition remains stable and your results are satisfactory, we can consider discharging you,” Zayd ya gyada kai a hankali, “Thank you, Doctor,” “You’re welcome, now, no more talking for a while, get some rest,” “Okay, Doctor,” likitan ya miƙe, “Try to rest, kada ka wahalar da kanka da tunani sosai, idan ciwon ya ƙaru ko ka ji wani sabon abu a jikinka, ka sanar da nurse nan take, do you understand?” “I will,” bayan ya sake duba wasu bayanai da ke hannunsa, likitan ya fita daga ɗakin, ya bar nurses suna kula da Zayd, Zayd ya kwanta yana kallon silin ɗakin, jikinsa har yanzu a raunane, a hankali ya lumshe idanunsa, amma tunaninsa ya kasa samun natsuwa, fuskar Raihana ce kawai ke ta dawowa masa a rai, ya tuna yadda ya tsaya a gabanta cikin tsananin ciwo, yana ƙoƙarin bayyana mata halin da yake ciki, ya tuna yadda ya kalle ta, yana fatan ko da sau ɗaya za ta fahimci cewa ba ya cikin yanayin da zai iya jure komai, amma duk da yadda ya kalle ta cikin ciwo, Raihana ta dage a kan ƙin sauraronsa, kallonta ne ya fi tsaya masa a rai, musamman yadda ta yi masa magana ba tare da ta ba shi damar bayyana abin da ke damunsa ba, ya nemi ta taimaka masa, amma ta tuna masa da haƙƙin Seeyama, ta kuma nuna masa cewa ya koma can inda ya fara, Zayd ya ji wani irin rashin Jin dadi yana tasowa a zuciyarsa, duk da halin da nake ciki? You still couldn’t listen to me? Ya ja numfashi a hankali, yana jin yadda abin ya tsaya masa a zuciya, bai saba zuwa wajen wani yana neman taimako ba, amma a wannan karon ya je wajenta ne saboda ya kasa jure abin da yake ji, duk da haka, sai ta ƙara masa da kalamanta, ya juya kansa gefe, a hankali ya sake lumshe idanunsa, yana ƙoƙarin kawar da tunaninta daga ransa.