BABI NA BIYAR

A CIKIN satin da Zaid ya dawo daga Port Harcourt ne muka tafi Ministry of Justice dake nan Abuja a dalilin mahaifinsa. A gefen Department of Public Persecutions zanyi aiki kuma a ranar kafin mu dawo gida har wurin da zan yi aiki aka nuna min. Office ne me girma me ɗauke da designated desk guda uku. Kowanen su da akwai computer se wasu file cabinets dake kan desk guda biyu saboda akwai mutane masu aiki a desk ɗin. Bayan mun fito daga ciki har mun shiga mota ne Zaid ke faɗa min yana so daga nan mu tafi Nook garden. “Bamu jima da aure ba na tafi na bar ki ke kaɗai a cikin gida” ya faɗa tare da kallo na cikin farin ciki. 

   “Kar ka damu. Ba se mun tafi chan ba. Ina so mu tafi gida nayi wa Abba godiya. And yes, thank you for this job” nace ina kallon shi bana so ko kaɗan mu tafi wani wurin na hutawa ko kuma me kama dashi kuma ba zan iya nuna mishi ina jin haushi ga abinda ya kawo ba. 

   “Why not? We're just going to unwind. It's safe and not crowded. You'll love it, Diza. Believe me”

Kaɗan ya rage nayi shrugging kafaɗa ta na nuna fushi na nace we don't have to go there amma kuma na danne nace “Kar ka wani damu. Wani lokaci zamu iya tafiya amma yanzu abinda yafi muhimmanci shine ka kaini nayi godiya wurin Abba”

Tada mota Zaid yayi ko kaɗan baya nuna fushi akan abinda na mishi yace “Da kin yarda mun tafi but since you insist, then some other time”

Ban ce mishi komai ba shima be sake cewa wani abu ba har se da muka kusa isa gidansu yace “Ba ki tambaye ni akan tafiya na ba”

Cikin zuciya ta har nayi rolling idanuna nace do I have to. Amma a fili nace “Nasan ka tafi aiki ne”

Nodding kai Zaid yayi be ƙara cewa komai ba har muka isa gidansu. Ko yanzu da muka isa na samu interlock na gidan su da alaman ruwa kuma nasan ba lokacin ruwan sama bane ba. Tunani nayi suna so suga interlock nasu da sanyi shiyasa suke barin tankin ruwan gidansu yayi ta zubar ruwa koda bayan ya cika saboda su samu abinda suke so. 

Hannu na naji Zaid ya riƙe a nashi. Da sauri na ɗaga kaina na kalle shi saboda tun bayan tafiyar shi jikin shi da nawa basu ƙara haɗuwa ba se yanzu. “A gaban manya?” na faɗa tare da ƙoƙarin cire hannu na a nashi. Ƙin sakin hannu na yayi se na kwace da ƙarfi shi kuma ya saki. 

   “We are married” ya faɗa ahankali 

Ban tsaya ce mishi komai ba na wuce a gaba kamar na saba da gidan ko kuma gidan mu ne. 

Shigar mu babban parlourn su, me ɗauke da chandelier a sama, standing AC a daidai layin da TV yake, TVn su babba sosai a tsayi da kuma faɗi ina tunanin mutanen da suke ciki kamar zasu fito, da akwai flower vases. Shahida ƙanwar shi ta fito. Ban mance sunan ta ba, ba ze yiwu kuma a faɗa min wani information na yaran gidan ba, na mance dashi kuma bayan su ne suka faɗa min. 

Hannuwana ta riƙo a cikin nata “Yaya Hadiza barkar ku da zuwa” tana faɗin haka ta sake hannuwa na ta matsa wurin Yayan ta “Yaya Zaid ya kake?” ta faɗa kamar shi ɗin sa'ar ta ne har na kusa nayi rolling idanuna amma kuma ban yi ba. 

Hannun shi ya ɗaura a kafadar ta “Lafiya ƙalau, Shahida. Kina lafiya ya karatun?”

   “I always tell you, Yaya Zaid, nursing is hectic but I love it nonetheless” ta faɗa lively cikin murna

   “The love you have for it will make you endure and do it”

“Eh, hakane” tace tare da dawowa wuri na “Ki zauna mana. Nan gidan ya zama gidanku. Mummy bata nan tana UniAbuja”

Ban ce komai ba se zaman da nayi ina kallon ta tana magana da Zaid. “Mun zo wurin Abba ne. Naga motar shi a waje amma yana ciki?” Zaid ya tambaye ta

  “Eh, yana nan. Be jima da dawowa ba”

   “Amma kuma ya huta?”

   “Eh ya huta”

Kallo na Zaid yayi ya miƙo min hannun shi yace “Mu shiga mu gaida Abba” Tashi tsaye nayi amma ban bashi hannu na ba. Ina jin yadda Shahida ta bi ni da kallo amma kuma ban damu ba. 

A parlourn mahaifin shi muka shiga wanda shima baya ɗauke da wasu kaya se set of cushions, a plasma TV, a flower vase and some books on the centre table. 

“Ah! Zaid ku ne” Abba ya faɗa cikin farin ciki “Hadiza sannun ku” yace da kiran sunana wanda ya sanya naji daɗi a cikin zuciya ta be mance sunana ba. Koda yake, ta yaya ze mance sunan matar ɗan shi?

“Abba Barka da wuni. Barka da hutawa” na faɗa cikin girmamawa kamar yadda nake yiwa mahaifi na. 

Cikin farin cikin shi da kake iya ji da kunnuwa da kuma ji a cikin zuciya yace “Barkar mu Hadiza. Ya kuke? Kuna lafiya? Ba ku fara haƙuri da juna ba dai ko?” ya faɗa cikin wasa. Tausayin Zaid ne naji a cikin raina akan irin abinda nake ji game dashi a cikin raina na ɗan yi murmushi nace “A'a Abba. Muna lafiya”

  “Zaidu ya aiki? Kayi tsaye zo ka zauna mana” 

Ina so na ɗaga kai na kalla Zaid amma ban yi haka ba. Nasan ko wataƙila yana mamakin yadda nake yi idan muka shiga jama'a amma a gida bana wannan farin ciki da murmushi. 

Zama yayi a kusa da mahaifin shi yace “Abba har sun gama komai na Diza. Har desk nata ma an nuna mata. Shine tace na kawo ta nan ta maka godiya da kanta”

Wani murmushi na ƙara yi nace “Abba nagode, Allah ya saka da alheri”

 “A'a, babu komai Hadiza. Yi miki abu kamar yiwa Zaid ne. Ke ta Zaid ce kuma Zaid nawa ne, toh dukan ku nawa ne. Allah yasa albarka”

  “Amin Abba. Nagode sosai” na faɗa cikin wannan farin cikin nawa ina ganin dattakon mahaifin shi. “Zan kira Abbana kuyi magana dashi Abba” na faɗa mishi 

   “Babu damuwa” Abban su Zaid ya amsa min. 

A lokacin da nake ƙoƙarin kiran mahaifina ina jin idanun Zaid akaina. Ban san yanzu wane irin kallo ne yake ɗauke dashi a gare ni ba. Amma wannan kallon bana son shi kuma nasan yau ze takurawa rayuwa ta. 

Abbana na kira suka yi magana dashi dama godiya ce ze mishi saboda na faɗa mishi an samo min wani aiki a nan Abuja a Ministry of Justice. Bayan sun gama magana bamu wani jima a gidan ba muka tashi muka wuce gida. 

Shigar mu cikin parlour naji jikin Zaid a nawa ya rungume ni ta baya. Rufe idanuna nayi na buɗe cikin jin haushi da takaici amma ban motsa ba ko nuna mishi bana son abinda yayi min. “I missed you, Diza” ya faɗa ina jin fuskar shi a nawa. 

   “Yanzu muka dawo” na sanar dashi 

   “It doesn't mean anything” ya faɗa ina jin muryar shi har cikin jikina. Zaid yana da murya, a husky voice that'll probably calm other girls but not me. “We missed each other. Didn't we?” ya ƙara faɗa. Nan take na shiga tunanin shi baya ganin yanda nake mishi ba ze ɗago cewa ni ba wani cikin shi nake ba. Wannan auren ƙaddara ne da kuma auren da ya zama wajibi ne na mishi.

  “Jiya na samu al'ada na” na faɗa mishi 

Ƙara rungume ni yayi a jikin shi yace “Al'ada? Menene al'ada?”

Da sauri nace “My period. I got my period yesterday”

Rungumar da yayi min ya cire hannuwan shi a jiki na “Se wace rana zaki fita daga period ɗin?”

   “Kwana bakwai ne. Idan akayi kwana bakwai ze tafi” na bashi amsa duk da babu wata magana tawa da take gaskiya. Juyowa da jikina yayi muna kallon juna 

   “I'll give you all the time, Diza. But I can't wait for seven days. I really need you. You must have know something to do for me”

   “Babu wani abu da nasani wanda zan maka. Ban san komai ba”

  “Zan nuna miki yanda zaki min”

Fuska ta ban nuna ɓacin raina ba amma ina ji zuciya ta bata min daɗi nace “Ba zan iya ba, Zaid. Ba zan iya ba”

  “Why not?” yace, fuskar shi babu alaman ɓacin rai ko kaɗan 

   “Na gaji ne. Ina so nayi wanka na kwanta na huta”

“Okay no problem. Ba zaki so massage ba idan kika yi wanka?” 

Girgiza mishi kai nayi ina tafiya “Just freshen up and a nap”

   “Okay rest well” naji ya faɗa na shige cikin ɗaki da sauri saboda bana so na ƙara jin yayi wata magana. 

Haka muka zauna tare da Zaid ko ɗaki ɗaya bana bari mu kwanta har kwana bakwai suka yi. A ranar da kwana bakwai suka cika ko fuskar min irin waccan magana ban bashi ba kuma naga alamar koda ban yi fuska ba baze tambaya ba. 

A kwana na tara yayi tafiya zuwa Delta State. Ina ji lokacin da ya shigo ɗakin da nake zama yayi min sallama. “Zan tafi Delta State, Diza”

Ɗago idanuna nayi daga waya ta na kalle shi nace “Allah ya kai lafiya”

   “Amin, nagode” ya faɗa ya wuce ba tare da ya ƙara cewa komai ba. 

WANNAN KARON tafiyar da yayi yayi sati ɗaya da kwanaki har suna so su zama sati biyu. Ya kan kira ni a kowace rana yana gaida ni. A kodayaushe shi yake fara kira. Idan kuma aiki yayi mishi yawa ze kira late da dare har haƙuri yake bani be kira da safe ba. Ko kaɗan be san ban damu da kiran shi ba. Idan ma ze min alfarma kawai ya dena kira na. It irritates me to the core. 

Bayan ya dawo daga Delta State yace ko zamu tafi Kaduna mu gaida iyayena. Yarda nayi da abinda yazo dashi duk da ba wani kewar gida nayi ba, na dai yi na mahaifina. Idan ma kewa ce, mahaifina ne nayi kewa inaso zan tafi na gan shi. Ita mahaifiyya ta ban san abinda zan faɗa game da ita ba. Kamar ina kallon ta da takurar da ta min tun ina shekaru ashirin da biyu akan aure. Mahaifiyar ki ta taɓa tada ki ƙarfe biyu na dare tana ce miki yaushe zaki kawo miji gida kiyi aure? Na ɗauka nayi kisan kai ne ko kuma nayi wani abin kunya ne amma ashe tambaya ta ne za'a yi yaushe ne zan kawo miji gida. Na riƙe ta da duk waɗannan abubuwan da suka faru da irin yadda take comparing nawa da sauran yaran jama'a da ƴan uwa. “Ga Hafsa nan dai. Shekara nawa kika bata amma tana da yaran ta biyu ke kuma ko saurayi kin kasa kawowa gida” haka take faɗa “Tunani kike kin isa saboda kina Barrister? Your barrister will not give you a man fa” haka take faɗa. 

I was eager to see my father. I wanted him to come back home and see me. My mother treated my husband, Zaid, as if he's a gold. I care less. 

Zaid kuma kafin mu tafi Kaduna ya siyawa mahaifina yadi me kyau da turare, mahaifiyya ta kuma atamfa harda turare itama. Na mishi godiya akan haka tun kafin mu isa kuma naga dattakon shi da kuma mutuncin shi akan wannan halayyar sa.

A ranar da muka tafi, a ranar muka dawo. Lokacin da mahaifiya ta take raka mu zuwa mota, Zaid yana ɗan gaba damu kaɗan take ce min “Mijin ki yana da kirki sosai. Ki riƙe shi da kyau kar ki masa abinda ze sa ya dawo dake gida” mamaki ne ya gama rufe ni saboda Zaid yana jin abinda take faɗa. Wannan irin maganar ba zata kira ni ta min a ɗaki ba se bayan mun fito zamu wuce. Shin ni take faɗa wa wannan saƙon ko kuma Zaid take cewa dan Allah duk abinda ze faru yayi haƙuri kar ya sake ni? Shi ɗin dai, ko inaso ko bana so, shi take turawa saƙo kuma wannan saƙon ba kaɗan ya ɓata min rai ba. “Baki da ciki?” ta ƙara ce. Shiru nayi ban ce komai ba se nunawa da nayi kamar ban ji abinda tace ba. 

A cikin jirgi komawar mu Zaid ya riƙa min hannu. “Ina ƙaunar ki, Diza” ya faɗa min kuma nasan wannan gaskiya ne kuma nasan yana faɗa min ne a dalilin abinda yaji mahaifiyya ta ta faɗa. Yana isar min da saƙon cewa shi ba ze taɓa rabuwa dani ba. Ba wani damuwa da maganar shi nayi ba. Kawai ina duba mishi ne akan hana mishi haƙƙin shi da nake yi. 

A ranar bayan mun koma gida, i let us do it again. Not as something I love with him but as a duty being married....married to him. Zaid was clingy after it. I hate how clingy he was. He was all over me and my body. He looks at me with affection. And I'm afraid of the affection he has for me. It's terrifying to me. His eyes are so close that he don't find my attitudes towards him so off or he knows, he's just trying to show he doesn't. 

Washegari muka yi baƙuwa a gidan. Yayar shi, Yaya Hauwa. Ina ga ba zan taɓa yin shiru akan irin kyawun ta ba. Tana da kyau sosai da dogon hancin ta me kyau fatar jikin ta ma haka tana da kyau daga ganin alama tana kulawa da kanta sosai. Inaso naga mutanen da suke kula da kansu komai abinda rayuwa zata tura musu. Yarinyar ta, ƙarama, wacce zata yi shekaru bakwai zuwa takwas naga Zaid ya ɗauka da farin ciki yace Mama na, Mama Zara'u. Dariya tayi tace “Zara not Zara'u”

  “Kin ganta Yaya ko?” Zaid yace tare da sauke ta

    “Kai da ƴar ka kenan se kuyi tayi”

Murmushi Zaid yayi ya zauna kusa da Yayar shi ita kuma Zara ta dawo wurina. Riƙe hannuwan ta biyu nayi ina tambayar ta akan rayuwar ta da kuma makaranta. 

   “Idan kin girma, me kike so ki zama?”

Kallon mahaifiyyar ta tayi idanun ta na sparkling tace “I want to be a doctor like my Mummy”