BABI NA GOMA SHA UKU

NA KASANCE ina shan kwayoyin hana ɗaukar ciki a gidan Zaid. Ban san ko bana son na haihu dashi bane ba ko kuma haihuwar ce bana ra'ayi gaba-ɗaya ko kuma kula da yara ne ba zan iya ba. Ban san ya akayi na mance ban sha ba lokacin da nake sha. Amma ina tunanin zaman da nayi da Zaid yasa na samu shigar ciki a jikina. Morning sickness na fara ji yana damuna. At first, na ɗauka gajiya ce se daga baya brain dina yayi clicking saboda irin gajiyar da nake ji tayi yawa ace aiki ne. Dannewa nake bana son na nuna da akwai wani abu me girma a wurina wanda yake damuna. 

Ahankali na tashi tsaye ina so na shiga bathroom nayi wanka. Gajiya ce naji ta kwashe ni na koma kan gado na kwanta na rufe idanuna. Ban san lokacin da bacci ya sace ni ba. Bani na tashi ba se wuraren ƙarfe goma da rabi da safe kuma zan tafi wurin aiki. 

Fitowa ta daga banɗaki na samu Zaid a ɗaki na yana zaune a bedside daga gani ni yake jira na fito. 

   “Naga har yanzu baki fita ba. Lafiya?”

    “Lafiya ƙalau” na amsa shi ahankali, murya ta slow and steady

   “You look ....you look sick”

       “No” na faɗa na girgiza kaina “Not at all. I'm okay”

       “Okay” Zaid yace ya tashi ya fita. 

Shiryawa nayi na fito. Ban wuce wurin aiki ba na siyo pregnancy test strip a pharmacy na dawo gida. Koda na shigo Zaid baya nan. Ɗaki na na wuce na gwada na gani and it showed me two lines. A bango nasa jikina na rufe idanuna kamar zan faɗi. Ban san ya akayi nayi wannan shashancin ba. 

Fitowa nayi na fasa zuwa wurin aikin gaba-ɗaya nayi reporting sick na wuce private hospital dake Jabi. Likita na samu family medicine doctor mace ce na mata bayanin komai ina so na san cikina ya kai wata nawa duk da ina tunanin yana cikin sati huɗu zuwa takwas ne. Transvaginal ultrasound ta bani. Dama da safe ne se naje nayi booking ultrasound a cikin asibitin. Ƙarfe uku aka ce na dawo za'a yi ultrasound ɗin. A ƙarfe uku na koma aka min ultrasound. Gobe da safe da na koma da result a asibitin na bukaci nayi booking consultancy a wurin gynecologist. 

Har ranar da zan ga likita ina cikin wani irin yanayi marar misaltawa kuma nasan bana buƙatar wannan cikin. Nasan wannan cikin na same shi ne in a very loveless marriage, my mind so distant from the intimacy. I got pregnant just for the sake of fulfilling marital duties. My baby is unwanted by me. 

Murɗa door handle nayi na shiga cikin office na consultation. Gaida Doctorn dana gani nayi. Fuskar shi me cike da fara'a ya gaida ni kuma yace na zauna. Returning gaisuwar shi nayi na zauna. Muna daura da juna dashi. Office nashi yana ƙamshi wanda ban gane ba. Ba kuma na antiseptic bane da asibiti ke yi ba. A desk ɗin shi desktop ce kawai akai saboda yanzu muna cikin duniyar technology ne. Doctorn ba za'a kira shi da sirare ba yana da jikin shi daidai kuma dattijo ne har furfurar shi ta koma fara.

    “What is the problem young woman?” ya tambaya

Bayani na mishi akan duk abinda yake faruwa yace na bashi result na transvaginal ultrasound nawa. Miƙa mishi nayi yace “You are 8weeks pregnant. That's 2 months. Congratulations”

    “i was thinking the same doctor. Just wanted to be sure. Thank you”

Nodding kanshi yayi yana kallo na. Yasan da akwai abinda nake son faɗa bayan wannan. Nauyin faɗin maganar dake cikin raina nake ina tunanin samun abinda nake so ko kuma rashin shi. Ina kuma tunanin irin kallon da ze min. 

   “You are safe here Hadiza” yace tare da kiran sunana

Wani abu naji na haɗiye nasan ya karanta sunana ne akan takardar result ɗina. A desktop ɗin naga yasa number na na asibitin se ga duka result din transvaginal ultrasound nawa ya fito tunda a asibitin naga likita kuma anan aka min ultrasound so sun saka komai nawa. Idanun shi ya cire a desktop yana kallo na “Are you concerned about the pregnancy?”

     “No, not really”

   “Is this your first pregnancy?”

    “Yes it is” nace, da sauri kuma rather abruptly nace “But i don't want it. I want an abortion”

Shiru Doctor yayi yana kallo na da mamaki. Hannuwan shi biyu ya haɗe ya ɗaura kasan chin ɗin shi. 

    “Please Doctor” nace kamar me roƙo “I'm a married woman. I didn't get it for sleeping around. The pregnancy is for my husband but I have underlying issues with him. I know it's illegal. I so know it. I'm a Barrister at the Ministry of Justice here in Abuja” na ƙara faɗa saboda yasan nasan abinda nake. Yasan nasan law kuma yasan da aure na samu cikin da nake ɗauke dashi. Ban sani ba kuma ko information da na bada akaina bashi da amfani amma ina ganin ze min amfani wurin samun abinda nake so. 

Ajiyar zuciya naji ya sauke jin abinda na faɗa da kuma abubuwan da yake tunani akaina wanda ban sani ba. “Abortion has its own complications. I don't want to put myself in a trouble that'll jeopardize my license”

      “Nothing will happen to me. I won't mention this place even if things didn't go as planned. I just want you to help me. Please Doctor”

Shiru yayi yana tunani. Ya cire idanun shi a direction ɗina. Nasan yana tunanin yin abinda nake so ko kuma akasin shi. Mun yi wurin minti biyar ahaka babu me cewa wani abu. Ni kuma ina ɗauke da fuskar tausayi. 

Ahankali bada sauri ba naga ya yaga prescription paper ya fara rubutu akai. Bayan ya gama ya bani. Kasa mishi godiya nayi na amsa takardar na fita saboda ko kallona baya yi nasan yana jin takaici na saka shi abinda be saba yi ba. 

A waje na fita naje pharmacy. Pharmacist dake kan duty yana ganin abinda ke cikin takardar ya kalle ni. Nasan da be ga prescription paper ba baze bada ba amma haka ya ɗauko abortion pills ya bani na tafi gida. 

Dama jiya Zaid yayi tafiya zuwa Delta. Shiyasa i have the whole house to myself ina komawa gida na sha pills ɗinnan. Bada jimawa ba wani irin heavy bleeding na fara yi. Dama nasan zan yi. Ina jin yanda jini yake zubo min a jikina it makes me so weak and my private part feels like it's wide kamar yadda kake ji idan kana heavy bleeding lokacin menstruation but this one is more than that because you are aborting a fetus. 

A cikin 48hrs na zubar da jinin da ake tunanin me miscarriage zata yi. Naji zafi sosai a jikina idanuna har rufewa suke bana jin cin wani abinci ko wani abu. Ruwa kawai nake sha domin samun ƙarfi a jikina. A duk kwana biyun ina reporting sick a wurin aikina. Ranar da na sha pills din Zaid ya kira ni amma ban ɗauka ba saboda ba zan iya magana dashi ba. A rana ta biyu ma ya kira ni amma gudun kar ya aiko min saƙo ko yasa azo dubani yasa na ɗauka. Karfin hali nayi ina magana dashi kar ya gane ina cikin ciwo amma hakan be yiwu ba se da ya tambaya ko ina lafiya. Kaina na faɗa mishi yana min ciwo amma yanzu ya rage sosai. He asked me why my head is aching and I felt like throwing my phone so it crashes into pieces but I didn't. I simply told him I don't know. “You should get enough sleep” ya faɗa min. Ban tsaya wata magana dashi ba nace “I'll.”

A cikin sati na biyu da na zubar da cikin Zaid muka yi waya da mahaifiyya ta take tambaya ta akan labarin juna biyu. 

      “Bani da juna biyu”

    “Hadiza har yanzu?” ta faɗa cikin mamaki 

     “Eh, har yanzu”

“To me kika jira har yanzu baki samu juna biyun ba? You don't have time Hadiza. You don't have time. Yanzu da kin shiga shekarun ki na talatin a duniya samun juna biyu yana iya miki wahala ko ya taho da complications. Ki samu ko ɗaya ne kiyi kafin ki shiga talatin”

Rufe idanuna nayi ina ƙara jin sanyi akan zubar da cikin da nayi akan abinda mahaifiyya ta ke faɗa. Kenan idan da gasken ban samu juna biyun ba, ni za'a ɗaurawa laifi saboda na kasa samun juna biyu bayan aure. 

      “Shi mijin naki Zaid har yanzu be fara maganar ciki ba?”

“Ni yake so ba abinda zan iya kawowa ba” nace ina mamakin kaina nima

“Ni zaki yiwa rashin kunya saboda ina faɗa miki gaskiya?” Mahaifiya ta ta faɗa ina jin muryar Tv a inda take a cikin muryar Turanci. Mahaifiyya ta tayi karatun zamani har jami'a ta kai inda ta karanta Chemistry. Tun chan kafin wannan lokacin tana aiki a industry dake Kaduna kafin kuma ta nuna gajiyarta ta aje ba zata iya ba. 

“Ba haka bane Umma. Zaid babu ruwan shi da wannan abubuwan. Baya kallon abinda zan iya kawowa, ni yake kallo dake gaban shi”

“Ai nasan ke yake kallo dake gaban shi” tace cikin faɗa “Amma ki yiwa kanki karatu da kyau mace bata da wani amfani a gidan miji idan bata haihuwa”

 “Haka suka faɗa muku Umma? Bayan kuma kowa yasan Allah ne me bada haihuwa?”

      “Shut up my friend! Ni zaki faɗawa Allah? Tun kafin a haife ki nake zuwa Islamiyya”

    “Kiyi haƙuri Umma. Za'a yi kokari a samu juna biyu amma idan Allah kuma be bani ba babu yanda zanyi”

     “Allah ma ze baki. Ni ba juya bace ba dan haka kema ba zaki zama juya ba”

     “In sha Allah” nace babu fara'a a gare ni. 

Lokacin da muka yi waya bleeding nawa be dena ba amma kuma ya rage sosai. Gidan yayi min shiru saboda wannan tafiya da Zaid yayi ya jima be dawo ba ba irin wacce ya saba yi ba amma kuma nayi farin cikin rashin dawowar shi saboda bana son yazo ya dinga takura min da tambayoyin abinda yake faruwa dani. 

Asibiti na koma aka sake min wani ultrasound aka duba babu cikin ya zube duka. Relief na samu a cikin zuciya ta da dukkanina. 

Ranar da aka min ultrasound ɗin Zaid ya dawo. Maganar mahaifiya ta kuma har yanzu bata fitar min a cikin zuciya ba. Ban san me yasa har yanzu take min ciwo ba. Ban san ko kaina nake yiwa baƙin ciki ba ko kuma matan da ba zasu taɓa iya haihuwa ba kuma suna so su haihu ko kuma matan da suke son zama tare da mazan su amma sun rabu saboda kawai wannan magana ta haihuwa. 

Tsaye nayi a cikin kitchen ina tunanin abinda zan dafa saboda yunwa nake ji. Hawayen da ban yi ba akan maganar mahaifiya ta suka tsaya a cikin idanuna bana son su sauko amma ƙarfin su yayi min yawa a cikin idanuna na kasa surpassing din su suka fara zubowa. 

Hannun mutum naji a jikina ta baya. Nasan Zaid ne amma kuma ban ji ƙamshin turaren shi ba da yake fara isowa kafin shi ya iso. Bayan naji hannun shi a jikina ne ƙamshin turaren shi yayi engulfing ɗina. Kafin nayi flicking jikina daga nashi naji hannun shi a bosoms ɗina yayi squeezing softly not roughly. Rufe idanuna nayi cikin takaici na buɗe nayi flicking jikina ba tare da na juya gare shi ba. 

       “Diza” ya kira sunana tare da dawowa gabana ya tsaya nayi sauri na sunkuyar da kaina bana son yaga hawaye na. “Diza” ya ƙara faɗa tare da ɗago da kaina. 

    “Me yake faruwa? Meyasa kike kuka? Nayi wani abu ne?”

Shiru na mishi ban ce komai ba se hannuna da nasa na share hawaye na. Cikin damuwa yake kallo na bana son haɗa idanu dashi amma ya tsare ni da idanun shi cikin tausayi da irin kalar ƙaunar da yake min. 

     “Baki da lafiya ne?”

Shiru nayi ban ce komai ba. Bana son ganin shi kuma bana son jin presence ɗin shi anan wurin. Bana son jin muryar shi da duk wani comfort da ze iya offering min. 

    “You can talk to me, Diza. I'm here”

     “I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone”

Tsayawa yayi kamar be ji abinda nace ba yana matsowa kusa dani. Cikin tsawa nace “I said leave. Just leave me alone. Your presence is suffocating me, Zaid”

Tsaye yayi yana kallon how unnecessary what I just did is. Kamar yana kuma mamakin maganganun da nake faɗa mishi. Kamar be taɓa ɗago i don't want him ba. Fita yayi daga kitchen ɗin ba tare da ya juyo ya kalle ni ba.