BABI NA GOMA SHA TARA

ZAN IYA cewa I'm sexually frustrated. Nasan Zaid da gangan yake min abinda yake yi dama yayi niyyar yi min irin wannan hukuncin. Abinda yake ƙara ɓata min rai shine ya zama nonchalant about it. Kode yana zuwa wani wurin yana huce abinda nake mishi ne?

Koda na shigo parlour na same shi zaune tare da laptop yana dannawa, hankalin shi gaba-ɗaya na kan abinda yake. A gefen shi na zauna a ƙasan da yake nasa idanuna akan abinda yake. Ban san dalilin da yasa yanzu nake son sanin duk wasu abubuwa da yake da duk wasu mutane da yake hulɗa dasu. “Diza, good evening” ya gaida ni ba tare da ya kalle ni ba. 

    “Good evening Zaid. How's work?”

       “It is tiring” ya bani amsa tare da kallo na sau ɗaya ya maida idanun kan laptop yana me cigaba da aikin shi. 

Hannun shi nake kallo ina tunanin wani abu a cikin raina. “Would you want a massage?” nace ahankali. 

Ɗago idanun shi yayi yana kallona nasan mamaki yake yi “Yes, i wouldn't mind” yace

Ahankali na tashi kusa dashi na zauna a cushion daidai shi na fara massaging sumar kanshi.

     “You are so distant” 

    “I'm not” Zaid yace 

 “You are, Zaid. And I don't like it”

Shiru yayi laptop da yake dannawa ya dena dannawa ya ɗaura min kanshi a ƙafafuwana. 

   “You are so quiet and distant and you don't complain about anything. Is that how to live?”

     “Live without complaining” Zaid yace rather than a question. “Why will I complain to someone that don't want to listen?”

   “Bana sauraren ka?”

Girgiza kai yayi “Baki saurare na. Muna yin aure dake amma kamar ba aure muke ba. Muna zaune tare dake a cikin gida ɗaya amma kamar ni kaɗai nake zama. Ba ina yin gori bane ba amma da kanki kika yarda muyi aure, Hadiza. Nayi laifi ne dan ina ƙaunar ki? Nayi laifi ne dan ina son kasancewa tare dake?”

  “Me yasa se yanzu kake magana akan abubuwan da baka so?”

Ƙafafuwan shi ya cire daga jikina ya juyo yana kallona da ɓacin ran da ban taɓa gani a fuskar shi ba “Zaki tsaya ki saurare ni ne? Aren't you an adult that I have to tell you what you're doing is not right? C'mon Hadiza! Don't act so dumb it's frustrating”

Idanuna nayi blinking ina kallon Zaid. 

   “Ki dena yi kamar baki san kina da laifi ba. Wannan abun shine ze ɓata min rai fiye da abinda kika yi”

   “But my face....all of me is welcoming. I don't understand why you are saying all of these things”

Da mamaki Zaid yake kallo na ya kasa magana. Chan yace “Kin san abinda kike faɗa?”

       “Na sani mana Zaid”

  “Me yasa kike magana yau? I'll answer it for you, Hadiza. You're talking today because you're sexually frustrated. You're talking today because you need me to satisfy you sexually and if not for that, I know you won't be here talking about nothing”

     “Is it a crime to need your husband?”

     “But it is a crime if a husband needs his wife?” Zaid ya faɗa yana kallona baya motsa idanun shi. Fuskar shi na cike da ɓacin rai sosai wanda ban taɓa gani ba. Tashi tsaye yayi ya fara tafiya ze bar min wurin nace “I'm sorry Zaid”

   “You are not sorry, Hadiza. And it's high time I ask you if you don't want this marriage” daga haka ya wuce ko kallona be yi ba. Zuciya ta naji tayi duka ga abinda yace. Dama na ɗauka ina tare da wawa ne da zan dinga treating ɗin shi yadda nake so shi kuma yayi shiru yana kallo na?. 

Ban san lokacin da na kai a kujera ba na ɗaura hannuwana biyu a gefunan fuska ta. Hawaye naji sun faro zubo min nan take na share su tare da jin haushi ina jin irin wannan abubuwan harda zubar da hawaye akan abinda Zaid ya faɗa. Tashi nayi na koma ɗakina na ƙure AC na kwanta a cikin duvet ina ganin Zaid a cikin fuska ta. 

Washegari da safe a dining table ya gaida ni “Good morning, Diza” yace ba tare da ya kalle ni ba. 

“Good morning Zaid” na amsa mishi. Tean shi ya sha baya kallo na se wayar shi dake ajiye a table da yake kallo har ya gama abinda yake ya tashi ya fita. Da kallo na bi bayan shi har ya ɓace min da gani nima na tashi na wuce wurin aiki na.

Bayan La'asar na dawo daga wurin aiki ina tsammanin naji presence na Zaid amma shiru ban ji ba. Bayan na gama wanka na shirya cikin doguwar riga na atamfa na zauna ina tunanin ko ya ɗan fita ne ya dawo amma har ƙarfe biyar tayi ban ji motsin shi ba. Tashi nayi na wuce ɗakin shi. Ƙofa na buɗe ahankali na shiga, ban same shi a ciki ba. Disappointment ne ƙarara a fuska ta. Na matsa chan a bathroom na ɗaura kunnena a jikin kofar bathroom ko zan ji motsin shi a ciki, nan ma ban ji ba se na buɗe na shiga ban gan shi ba. Fitowa nayi na wuce studyn shi, idan ma ya ganni ina neman shi cewa zan yi ina so ya siya min wani abu ne a pharmacy Kar naji kunyar neman shi. A studyn shi na shiga nan ma ban gan shi ba. Tsaye nayi a cikin studyn saboda ban taɓa shiga ciki ba. Shelves ne na littafai daban daban. Da akwai desk da kujera a ciki, akan desk ɗin desktop ce akai se wasu littafai guda biyu. Kallon studyn nake da bangon shi. Na taɓa ji yana cewa Yaya Hauwa yana so yasa hoton painting a wall na studyn shi. Tunani na fara yi wane irin painting ya kamata a ɗaura a bangon. Wayata dake hannuna na duba ina ganin painting na abubuwa masu kyau da birgewa wanda ya kama da nature ne na itace, zane na African women, akwai na wata da taurari da rana da sauransu. Ganin yadda gidanshi yake ko ina akwai ice a ciki da yadda muke da ruwa yasa nasa order na zanen itace, a gefe chan an zana ɗawisu jikin shi ya buɗe yayi kyau. 

Ina nan cikin study ina duba irin littafan da yake karantawa aka kira waya ta an min delivery na painting ɗina. Da kaina na fito na yiwa me deliveryn iso ciki na faɗa mishi inda ze ɗaura min painting ɗin a cikin studyn Zaid. Sawa yayi inda yayi daidai ya fito da kyau na biya shi kuɗin shi ya tafi. 

Har ƙarfe shida Zaid be dawo ba yasa na fito daga studyn shi na koma ɗakina. Mahaifiyya ta ta kira ni. Zuciya ta naji tayi duka amma haka na ɗauka na fara gaida ta. Rufe bakina da gaisuwar ta fara tambayar labarin ciki. “Umma har yanzu fa”

   “Na rasa gane kanki Hadiza. Anya kina ma so ki samu cikin kuwa? Kodai allura kika yi ko wani abu kike sha shiyasa har yanzu shiru”

    “Babu abinda nake sha Umma. Allah ne be ƙaddara ba”

  “Har dake baki so ki samu juna biyun nan. Wai so kike mijin naki ya ƙara aure ko kuwa danginshi su fara miki gori aure na ƙoƙarin shekara ɗaya amma shiru. Auren yanzu da anyi ake samun juna biyu”

    “Umma ba kowa ne yake samu da ya tafi ba”

Shiru tayi ba tace komai ba kuma bata kashe wayar ba. Nima shiru nayi ina jiran me zata faɗa. 

   “Ki sa niyya de kina so ki haihu. Idan kika sa Allah ze baki. Duk wanda yayi aure ai yana so ya haihu bale ke da kike auren me kuɗi”

Kaɗan na ɗaga idanuna ina mamakin abinda Umma tace nace “In sha Allah zan sa niyya”

     “Ba zaki sa niyya ba. Ki sa niyya”

  “To Umma na sa niyya. Abba fa?”

      “Baya nan be dawo ba”

“Okay, idan ya dawo ina gaida shi dan Allah”

   “In sha Allah zan faɗa mishi”

     “Nagode Umma, se anjima”

   “Yawwa, Allah yayi albarka”

Daga haka muka kashe wayoyinmu. A ƙasar Hausa, ban sani ba ko ba'a ƙasar Hausa bane kawai ba, amma ina da tabbaci akwai irin haka a koina se de kuma za'a iya cewa yanzu abun ya rage saboda wayewar da mutane ke da ita. Mutane basu so su faɗa most especially a ƙasar mu ta Hausawa, amma wasu daga cikin iyaye mata, ba wai haihuwar ce suke so ba bayan sun yi aure ko kuma tun lokacin da suke gida basu yi aure ba, a'a, haihuwar ta kasance wani abu wanda ake tsammanin dole kayi idan kayi aure shiyasa wasu ke haihuwa. It's expected of you to give birth after marriage so when you get married, of course if there's intimacy and God has bless it, you'll get pregnant and give birth. Akwai iyaye matan da basu shiryawa haihuwar ba amma dole gashi sun samu ciki dole su haife. Magana ce kawai ba'a yi saboda ganin ake ana cikin ƙasar Hausa kamar taboo ne ayi kowa yaji ko ayi normalising ire-iren wannan maganganun, amma wasu da gaske basu shiryawa haihuwa ba harda aure, suna yi ne kawai saboda lokacin su ne yayi kuma dole zasu yi saboda shine norm a cikin society. 

Har ƙarfe tara na dare Zaid be dawo gida ba. Abinda ban taɓa lura yayi ba. Ƙarshen shi ƙarfe takwas waje. Tashi tsaye nayi na yaye labulen window na ina duban ko ze shigo cikin gida amma shiru babu alamar shi. Da naga haka, se na fito daga ciki na wuce wurin me gadi nake tambayar shi ƙarfe nawa Zaid ya fita, yace min ƙarfe goma sha ɗaya na safe. Nace ya taɓa kai ƙarfe tara be dawo gida ba. Yace a'a baya yin dare sosai a waje. Komawa ciki nayi na cigaba da tsayi a window ina duban shigowar shi. 

Babu abinda ke cikin raina se tsoro da kuma kishin inda yake da kuma tare da wa yake. Tsorona kuma kar ace ba lafiya ba. 

Waya ta na ɗauko daga jikin madubi na dawo a window ina so na kira number shi. Kasa kiran shi nayi se kallon sunan number shi nake da nayi saving da Zaid Liman. Ina tunanin kiran shi ko kar na kira har ƙarfe goma tayi. A tsayen da nake ina kallon taurarin dake sama da wata da yayi haske sosai ina gani ana yin walƙiya. 

Ganin walƙiyar da ake ne yasa na ɗago da waya ta ban tsaya sa kaina tunani ba na kira number Zaid. Ringing ta fara se kuma ta dena da sauri. Ƙara kira nayi ina jin tsoro a zuciya ta har ina jin tana bugawa. Wannan karon bata tsinke ba amma se da ta kusan ɗaukewa aka ɗauka.