THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US

*KADDARAR ZUCIYA*

*CHAPTER SIXTEEN: 16*

*THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US*

*JIDDAAH BARKUM*

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Yamma ta yi sosai lokacin da motar Inteesar ta fito daga harabar jami’ar Nile University, ta nufi gida, hannayenta a kan steering wheel, idanuwanta a kan hanya, amma hankalinta yana wani wuri daban, a cikin ranta, tana jin wani irin nauyi duk lokacin da ta tuna cewa za ta koma gidan Yaya Umar, gidan da ta taɓa ɗauka a matsayin wani wuri na aminci, amma yanzu komawarsa take yi kamar baƙuwa, sai dai maganganun Amira na cewa ta dage a kan sharuɗɗanta sun ba ta ɗan ƙarfin gwiwa, I came here for my education, and that’s exactly what I’m going to focus on, ta maimaita kalaman a cikin zuciyarta, sannan ta yi parking, ta ɗauki jakarta ta fito daga motar.

Tana tura ƙofar falon, ƙamshin turaren wuta na Oud da aka saba sa wa gidan ya doki hancinta, falon ya yi tsit, sai dai ta hango Yaya Umar zaune a kan doguwar kujera, riƙe da wasu takardun aiki a hannunsa, da alama tunani yake yi, domin duk da cewa idanuwansa suna kan takardun, a fili yake cewa hankalinsa ba ya wurin, jin motsin shigowar mutum ya sa ya ɗago kai da sauri, idanuwansa suka sauka a kan Inteesar, for a moment, he simply stared at her, akwai wani irin kallo na kewar da ya daɗe yana ɓoyewa a idanunsa, kallon da ya nuna yadda yake son ya tambaye ta ko ta ci abinci, ko ta gaji, ko ranar ta yi mata kyau, ya so ya tambaye ta abubuwa da dama, kamar yadda ya saba yi a da, amma nan take ya tuna yarjejeniyar da suka yi a Katsina, respect her boundaries, Umar, ya sauke numfashi a hankali, ya saita kansa, sannan ya mayar da takardunsa kan cinyarsa.

Inteesar kuwa ta tsaya cak na daƙiƙa ɗaya, ba ta yi masa sallama ba, kuma ba ta nuna alamun ta san da zamansa a wurin ba, ta gyara madaurin jakarta a kafaɗarta, sannan ta juya da sauri zuwa hanyar stairs domin ta wuce ɗakinta, “Inteesar…” Umar ya kira sunanta a hankali, muryarsa na ɗan rawa, ta tsaya, amma ba ta juyo ba, ta tsaya ne kawai, bayanta yana kallonsa, hannunta guda riƙe da madaurin jakar makarantarta, Umar ya ɗan gyara zamansa kafin ya ci gaba da magana, “I just want to ensure we’re on the same page,” muryarsa ta kasance a sanyaye, ba tare da wata alama ta tilastawa ba, “Na san abin da kika faɗa a gaban Daddy, kuma na fahimci sharuɗɗanki, I will not cross your line, I promise,” ya ɗan dakata, yana kallon bayanta, “Amma don Allah, hakan ba yana nufin za mu zauna a gida ɗaya kamar maƙiya ba, at least, let’s have a civil relationship, ba sai mun koma yadda muke a da ba, amma ina ganin za mu iya zama cikin mutunci,” Inteesar ta juyo a hankali, fuskarta babu alamar sassauci ko kaɗan, ta kalle shi ido cikin ido, tana ƙoƙarin danne duk abin da ya taso mata a zuciya, “Yaya Umar, tunda ka san yarjejeniyar, to ka kiyaye ta kawai,” ta yi maganar cikin sanyin murya, amma kalamanta sun fito da wani irin sanyi mai zafi, “Ka riga ka ruguza duk wata alaƙa da ke tsakaninmu, abin da ya kawo ni Abuja karatuna ne kawai, kuma shi zan fuskanta,” Umar ya buɗe baki, kamar zai ce wani abu, amma ta ɗaga hannunta kaɗan, “Please, don’t make this harder than it already is,” ya rufe bakinsa a hankali, Inteesar ta juya, ta haura stairs ba tare da ta sake waiwayowa ba, ya bita da kallo har ta ɓace a saman stairs ɗin, for the first time in a long while, Umar had absolutely nothing to say, ya jingina bayansa da kujerar, ya lumshe idanunsa, sannan ya sauke numfashi mai nauyi, ya san cewa ta yi fushi da shi, amma sanin cewa ta yi fushi da shi bai kai jin yadda ta daina kallonsa a matsayin ɗan uwanta na kusa ba, and that was the part that hurt the most.

Inteesar na shiga ɗaki, ta cire kayan jikinta da ta dawo daga makaranta, ta watsa ruwa snn ta saka kaya masu sauƙi ta faɗa kan gado tana huci, ta gaji sosai, amma ba gajiyar makaranta kaɗai ba ce, it was emotional exhaustion, gajiyar ƙoƙarin nuna cewa komai yana lafiya, gajiyar danne tambayoyi, da kuma gajiyar zama kusa da mutumin da ta taɓa amincewa da shi ba tare da tunanin cewa zai taɓa zama sanadin rashin nutsuwarta ba, tana cikin wannan halin ne aka tura ƙofar ɗakin a hankali, Nana ce ta shigo riƙe da kofin shayi mai ɗumi, saboda garin ya fara yin sanyi, fuskarta ɗauke da damuwa, amma tana ƙoƙarin nuna murmushi, ta ƙarasa ta ajiye shayin a kan teburin gefen gado, sannan ta zauna a gefenta ta dafa kafaɗarta, “Intee, na ga duk abin da ya faru a falo yanzu,” Inteesar ta buɗe idanunta a hankali, amma ba ta yi magana ba, Nana ta ci gaba cikin sanyin murya, “Ina so ki fahimci abu ɗaya game da Yaya Umar, gaskiya ne, ya yi kuskure a baya, kuma ba zan ce ki manta da abin da ya faru ko ki yafe masa kafin lokacin da kika shirya ba, amma yanzu, he’s trying to give you the space you asked for,” ta ɗan dakata, tana nazarin fuskar Inteesar, “Baya bibiyarki kamar yadda yake yi a baya, kuma tun lokacin da kika dawo, yana ƙoƙarin mutunta iyakokinki,” Inteesar ta juya da sauri ta kalle ta, “Yaya Nana, how am I supposed to trust him again? Bayan duk abubuwan da ya yi mini?” Muryarta ta ɗan yi sama, amma nan take ta sake sauke ta, “Kin san yadda na ji lokacin da na ga saƙonnin nan a wayarsa? I felt betrayed, na ji kamar duk lokacin da nake tunanin ina tare da mutanen da suka san ni sosai, akwai wani abu da ake ɓoyewa daga gare ni,” Nana ta gyaɗa kai cikin fahimta, “I know, Intee, kuma ba ki da laifi saboda yadda kike ji,” ta matse hannunta a hankali, “Amma a yanzu, Yaya Umar ba ya neman komai a wajenki face ya ga kin samu nutsuwa, yana son ya gyara amanar da ta rushe ne kawai, ba wai ya dawo yana takura miki ba,” ta yi murmushi kaɗan, “Kin san yadda kike a da? His pampered little sister, wadda take shagwaɓa a gabansa, ta yi masa korafi a kan komai, kuma ta san cewa zai saurare ta,” Nana ta ɗan yi dariya, amma Inteesar ba ta yi murmushi ba, “Ba na cewa ki koma wannan matsayin yanzu-yanzu, I’m just saying, maybe one day, things won’t feel this painful anymore,” Inteesar ta mayar da dubanta kan kofin shayin da Nana ta ajiye mata, maganganun Nana sun ratsa ta, musamman yadda ta bayyana cewa Umar yana ƙoƙarin dawo da ita matsayin ƙanwarsa ta da, wadda take shagwaɓa a gabansa, amma ta yaya za ta koma yadda take a da bayan ta gano cewa akwai abubuwan da ba ta taɓa sani ba game da mutumin? Ta sauke nannauyan numfashi, sannan ta kalli Nana da idanunta masu ɗauke da gajiya, “Zan yi ƙoƙari na rage fushin, Yaya Nana,” ta ɗan dakata kafin ta ƙara da wata murya mai zurfi, “But things will never go back to how they used to be, akwai abubuwan da idan suka faru, ba za su taɓa gogewa ba,” Nana ta jinjina kai cikin gamsuwa, “I understand, Intee,” ta shafa hannunta a hankali, sannan ta miƙe, “Ki sha shayin kafin ya huce, ki huta sosai, kin ji?” “To, Yaya Nana,” Nana ta yi mata sallama, ta nufi ƙofa sannan ta fita, tana jawo mata ƙofar a hankali, Inteesar ta zauna na ɗan lokaci tana kallon ƙofar, a hankali ta miƙa hannu ta ɗauki kofin shayin, ta sha kaɗan kafin ta jingina da matashin gado, wataƙila Nana ta yi gaskiya a kan abu ɗaya: ba za ta iya ci gaba da rayuwa tana ɗauke da duk wannan fushin a zuciyarta ba, amma hakan ba yana nufin cewa dole ne ta sake amincewa da Umar ba, forgiveness and trust were two different things, kuma a yanzu, ba ta shirya bayar da ko ɗaya daga cikinsu ba.

Bayan wannan daren, Inteesar ta canza salon rayuwarta gaba ɗaya, ta tattara dukkan hankalinta da tunaninta ta mayar da su kan karatunta, domin lokacin jarabawar ƙarshen semester ya gabato, her exams were getting closer, and she couldn’t afford to let her personal problems ruin everything she had worked for, kusan kowace rana, tana fita da sassafe zuwa makaranta, ta kwashe sa’o’i masu tsawo a library tare da Amira suna bita, littattafai, handouts, da rubuce-rubucen lecture suka zama manyan abubuwan da suka cika lokacinta, wani lokaci Amira tana yi mata dariya idan ta ga yadda Inteesar ta nutsu cikin karatu har ta manta da lokacin cin abinci, “Intee, are you trying to graduate as the best student in the whole university?” Inteesar ba ta ɗago kai daga littafinta ba, “Maybe,” Amira ta zaro idanuwa, “Maybe?! Girl, you’re already behaving like the university is about to close tomorrow!” A wannan karon, Inteesar ta kasa danne murmushi, “Amira, please, let me read,” “Okay, madam serious!” Amira ta yi dariya, sannan ta koma kan littafinta, irin waɗannan ƙananan lokutan ne suka taimaka wa Inteesar wajen samun ɗan sauƙi, a hankali, ta fara komawa cikin yanayin rayuwar da ta saba, ko da yake har yanzu akwai wasu abubuwan da take ƙoƙarin warkewa daga gare su.

A ɓangaren gida kuwa, dakarun kiyaye iyakoki suna nan yadda ta gindaya, ko da ta tarar da Yaya Umar a falo, tana gaishe shi sama-sama cikin sanyin murya, “Good evening, Yaya,” “Good evening, Inteesar,” sai kowa ya ci gaba da abin da yake yi, babu tambayoyin da ba ta shirya amsawa ba, babu ƙoƙarin hana ta fita ko tambayar inda take zuwa, babu saƙonnin da za su sa ta ji ana bibiyarta, Umar ya tsaya kan alƙawarinsa, yana mutunta tsarinta, yana ba ta sararin da ta nema, kuma ba ya ƙoƙarin tilasta mata wata hira, sai dai idan ta ratsa gabansa, idanuwansa kan bita da wani irin kulawa da yake ƙoƙarin ɓoyewa, wani lokaci yana son ya tambaye ta ko ta ci abinci, wani lokacin yana son ya san yadda jarabawarta ta kasance, wani lokacin kuma yana son ya tuna mata cewa ko da yake abubuwa sun canza, har yanzu tana da muhimmanci a gare shi, amma duk lokacin da ya tuna yarjejeniyarsu, sai ya danne kalaman da ke neman fitowa daga bakinsa, he had to learn to care without controlling, and to love without crossing the line, Inteesar kuwa ta fi mayar da hankali kan kanta, a yanzu, tana ganin cewa wannan shi ne mafi aminci a gare ta.

A cikin wannan yanayin na gyaran zuciya, Aliyu na can bai fasa tuntuɓarta gaba ɗaya ba, yana ci gaba da turo mata saƙonni da kuma kiranta lokaci-lokaci, amma ba kullum ba, ya san cewa ba ta saba amsa saƙonninsa, don haka yana ƙoƙarin guje wa zama mai matsa lamba ko annoying a gare ta, ba ya yi mata tambayoyi da yawa, ba ya tambayar dalilin da ya sa ba ta amsa saƙonsa, kuma ba ya nuna mata fushi idan ta yi shiru na kwanaki, a hankali, ya fara fahimtar cewa idan har yana son Inteesar ta saba da shi, to dole ne ya ba ta lokacin da take buƙata, wata safiya, yayin da Inteesar ke shirin fita zuwa makaranta, wayarta ta yi ƙara, ta ɗauko ta daga kan teburin, tana tunanin ko wani saƙon makaranta ne, amma da ta duba, sai ta ga number Aliyu da har yau batayi saving ba, “Good luck with your papers today, Inteesar, na san za ki yi ƙoƙari, just breathe and do your best, don’t stress yourself too much, you’ve got this,” Inteesar ta karanta saƙon har zuwa ƙarshe, sai ta yi shiru, a da, da ta ga saƙo daga gare shi, da tuni ta share shi ba tare da ta karanta komai ba, amma a wannan karon, ta karanta saƙon gaba ɗaya, ba wai saboda ta fara jin wani abu a gare shi ba, a’a, ta dai yi mamakin yadda yake ci gaba da nuna mata kulawa ba tare da ya nemi wani abu daga gare ta ba, ta kalli screen ɗin na wasu daƙiƙu, sannan ta kashe shi ta ajiye wayar, ba ta ba shi amsa ba, but for the first time, she didn’t delete the message either, wani lokacin kuma, idan ta fito daga aji, sai ta tarar da missed calls ɗinsa, maimakon ta kira shi, sai ta tura wayar cikin jaka ta ci gaba da tafiyarta, ba ta son ta ba shi wani fata da ba ta da tabbacin za ta iya cikawa, she wasn’t ready to entertain anyone, not when she was still trying to put herself back together, abin da ya ba ta mamaki shi ne, Aliyu ba mutum ne mai saurin fushi ko nuna ƙorafi ba, he was incredibly patient, ko da ta share shi na tsawon kwanaki, idan ya sake turo saƙo, saƙon yana zuwa ne cikin girmamawa da natsuwa, wani lokaci saƙon fatan alheri ne, wani lokacin tambayar ko ta kammala jarabawarta lafiya, wani lokacin kuma yana yi mata fatan ta huta sosai bayan doguwar ranar karatu, ba ya neman bayani, ba ya yi mata korafi, kuma ba ya amfani da damuwarta wajen tilasta mata kusanci da shi, a hankali, wannan juriya tasa ta sa sunansa ya fara zama sananne a cikin zuciyarta, ko da kuwa tana ƙoƙarin ƙaryata hakan.