BENEATH HIS STRENGTH

Damuwar ciwon nasa yasa yau duk yake jinsa wani iri duk da yayi expecting haka. Likita yayi advising dinsa ya rage saka damuwa aransa don ita ta jawo masa matsalar zuciyar amman yasan shi da irin wannan damuwar kuma har qarshen rayuwarsa ba zai rabu dashi ba.

He always prays that Allah will take away his love for NURI, but things are only getting worse. His feelings keep growing stronger. He truly believes that loving her is his destiny. Sau da dama ya kanji dama zai iya canza Qaddararsa, da zai gwammace ace talaka ne shi da kullum sai ya nemo kudin abinci akan wannan dukiyar da yake da ita da bazata taba goge masa damuwarsa ba. He does see people who are poor and happy duk da zahirinsu kawai yake gani ba badininsu ba ammn he is certain that they are far more at peace than he is.

Kiran Maghrib da akayi ya sashi miqewa daga zaunen da yake ya nufi sama zuwa dakinsa. Alwala ya dauro yana fitowa suka hada ido da Fa'iz daya dan kure masa kallo yana jin ciwon damuwar da yake gani kwance akan fuskar Fu'ad haka kawai shima yake jin jikinsa kamar baya masa dadi.

Tare suka jera zuwa masallacin sai dai babu wanda yace qala acikinsu. While Fu'ad prayed yana roqon Allah ya cire masa son NURI, Fa'iz prayed Allāh ya yaye ma Fu'ad dinsa duk abinda yake damunsa. 

Basu dawo gida ba sai bayan Isha shima suna komawa Fu'ad ya wuce sama. Zama Fa'iz yayi kawai kan sofa yana dafe goshinsa "Allahumma yassir wala tu'assir.."

"Ya Rabbi ease whatever Fu'ad is suffering from."

Duk da ba wai bai damuwa da sauyin Fu'ad ba amman na kwanan nan yafi worst. Fu'ad baibqi ya tashi yanzu bai ce qala ba. Idan yaje company ma amsarsa yes or no ne. He wondered what could possibly be bothering him so much that he couldn't bring himself to share it.

A lokacin sai yaji kamar Fu'ad bai yarda dashi ba, kamar Fu'ad bai daukeshi aboki kuma dan uwa ba, bai daukeshi amini ba. Wannan tunanin ya tsayewa Fa'iz arai, he couldn't really believe that Fu'ad could be going through so much while he was right beside him, completely unaware of what was troubling him let alone being able to help.

He felt like he had failed Fu'ad! Ya tabbatar da shine Fu'ad zai yi duk mai faruwa yaga ya yaye masa wannan quncin amman shi gashi, a zaune shekara biyu yana ganin damuwa kwance fuskar Fu'ad ya kasa aikata komai. Damuwar da ya fahimci na yau yafi na koyaushe.

Yasan tambya bazai saka Fu'ad ya fada masa komai ba. To me zai yi? wanda zai gogewa Pal dinsa duk kuncin da yake ciki. A time din da za'a gwada jinin Fa'iz for sure jininsa ya hau. He could feel Fu'ad's pain, just as Fu'ad had felt his when he was suffering from Alzheimer's.

Miqewa yayi ya samu kansa da bin bayan Fu'ad din da da yace yayi fushi dashi, amman dan uwa fa dan uwa ne especially idan bond dinsu irin na Fu'ad da Fa'iz ne!

Bai tarar dashi adakin ba har ya juya zai fita yaji kakarin tarinsa a toilet hakan yasa da sauri ya juya ya shiga badakin without thinking twice.

Wani irin daukewa yaji numfashinsa yana shirin yi saboda abinda ya gani, Fu'ad dinsa a tsugunne yana tari amman jini ke biyo bayan tarin. Rawa jikin Fa'iz ya fara kamin ya qarasa wajensa da sauri yana dagoshi. Kallonsa Fu'ad yayi da idanunsa jajawur suma kamar jinin zai fito ta cikinsu.

Kasa magana Fa'iz yayi sai rawar da bakinsa yake yi yana kallon Fu'ad daya kauda kansa yana goge jinin daya bata masa baki da hannunsa. Hakin da yaji yana yi ne as a result of tarin yasa Fu'ad yayi zaman dirshan nan qasan bandakin. Shima Fa'iz zaman yayi yana riqe da hannun Fu'ad daya kasa cikawa. Minti biyar ya wuce babu wanda ya miqe acikinsu kuma babu wanda yayi magana.

Fa'iz idonsa akan Fu'ad while Fu'ad idonsa akan jinin dake kwance qasan duk da baya da yawa ammn duk wanda zai gani ace mutum yayi ba qaramin daga masa hankali zaiyi ba.

Qoqarin miqewa da yake shirin yi ne yasa Fa'iz taimaka masa ganin kamar yau jikinsa is weak. Bakin sink suka wuce ya dauraye bakinsa da hannunsa sannan ya juya ba tare daya kalli Fa'iz ba ya fice ya bar masa wajen haka nan. Kasa motsawa Fa'iz yayi daga inda yake a tsaye. He was a doctor, a qualified doctor with numerous qualifications in different fields. His specialisation wasn't limited to surgery alone, he had also taken several additional courses in cardiology a long time ago. He didn't need anyone to tell him what was wrong with his Fu'ad.

Fu'ad had a heart condition, congestive heart failure. Ya salam! Tsugunnawa yayi ya rasa mene ma abinda zaiyi. He felt as though he wasn't worthy of being Fu'ad's cousin and best friend, especially when he couldn't even recognise that his Pal was suffering from a heart condition. Zai iya gane signs din tare da wasu amman ya kasa gane na dan uwansa, amininsa. Sai yaji kawai bai dace da zama abokin Fu'ad ba don he wasn't a good friend. Kamar bai amfaneshi da komai ba let alone being his comfort zone. He felt that Fu'ad didn't deserve him as a friend. He felt like crying right there and then.

Wannan feeling din na ka gazawa wanda kake so hurts deep, especially idan shi wanda kake so din shine first person ko yause na ganin ya yaye maka naka damuwar. 

(Karku ce I'm exaggerating Fu'ad and Fa'iz friendship, Fu'ad da Fa'iz ba iya abokai ne ba kawai 'yan uwa ne, cousins ne and it do happens in reality kafi shaquwa da cousin dinka amman yafi faruwa tsakanin maza. Dama normaly abota tsakanin maza yafi na mata. Maza sunfi riqe abota tsakani da Allah. And I personally valued friendship, maybe that's why na saka Fa'iz da Fu'ad ahaka.)

Da kyar ya iya tashi ya gyara wajen da Fu'ad ya bata ya wanke hannunsa sannan ya fita. Akan sofa ya tarar dashi azaune yana mayar da numfashi har yanzu. Da sauri ya qarasa wajensa yana dagoshi daga yadda ya duqa kamar irin he's suffocating haka.

Fu'ad bai kalli Fa'iz ba, bai son ganin raunin Fa'iz dinsa. Baison saka Fa'iz dinsa a damuwar da yake hangowa a idonsa. Baya son dagama Fa'iz dinsa hankali. Fa'iz deserves peace ba damuwa ba. Bai son sakashi acikin damuwa a dalilin ciwonsa. He felt an overwhelming sense of frustration with himself for failing to hide his condition so well that Fa'iz had eventually noticed. Ya tabbatar Fa'iz ya gama fahimtar abinda yake damunsa. 

For the first time in history, Fu'ad, the great CEO of Novebuild, had revealed his vulnerability. Fa'iz felt devastated coz bai taba ganin Fu'ad a irin wannan yanayin ba.

Fu'ad was brave, duk abinda zai faru ba zaka taba ganin rauninsa ba. Irin mutanen nan ne da suke nan perfectly calm duk kalar abin tashin hankalin da zai faru, Fu'ad ne fa yake nan very calm lolacin da Umminsa was unconscious, Fu'ad ne yake nan very calm lokacin da Ahad ya rasu duk ya shanye damuwar komai aransa. Fu'ad ne yake nan very composed lokacin daya dawo ya samu Fa'iz dinsa fighting with Alzheimer's, Fu'ad never allowed his struggles show. 

Amman yau dinnan Fu'ad was not the same Fu'ad. Wannan jarumtar yau duk babu su sunyi nasu wajen. To the extent that idonsa kawai ka gani zaka iya gane hakan. 

Baki ya bude zaiyiqa Fa'iz magana yaji muryarsa yana rawa hakan yasa yayi saurin daga kansa sama saboda jin wani sabon abun da yayi.

"Pa... Pal, I'm sorry!" Finally Fa'iz found the courage to apologise to Fu'ad. Yaji kawai duk abinda yake son fada gwara ya fara da bashi haquri. Da wani ne fushi zaiyi da Fu'ad na qin fada masa da yayi ammn not Fa'iz when Fu'ad yana wannan condition din. 

"I'm not worth it Pal. I failed you!"

Da sauri Fu'ad ya sauko da kansa zai girgizawa Fa'iz suddenly sai hawaye!

Idan akwai abinda yafi tashin hankali bai wuce wannan ba. Tears in Fu'ad's eyes! Never in Fa'iz's life had he seen Fu'ad cry. Tun suna yara Fu'ad ne wannan mai dauriyar da yake iya tarewa Fa'iz dinma fada ko rigima haka kamin Ummi ta takura aka raba musu makaranta aka kai Fu'ad boarding school.

Shima Fu'ad din da farko bai yarda hawayen yake ba sai daya kai hannunsa ya tabbatar. Ya tuna ranar da zai bar Kano yayi kwalla irin haka amman ba'a gaban kowa ba. Shi ya yadda mai rauni ne amman ya tsani ace rauninsa ya bayyana har wani ya gane koda kuwa Fa'iz ne.

"You're crying Fu'ad!"

Kai Fu'ad ya gyada masa yana bude baki da kyar yace "I'm sorry..." Tsayawa yayi saboda nunfashinsa ashe wannan ciwon shine one of the thing da idan yayi dogon magana sai yaji ya fara haki.

"You didn't fail me rather, I failed you."

Kai Fa'iz ya girgiza masa saying "don Allah Fu'ad ka fadamin damuwarka... Ka fadamin abinda yake damunka past these two years.."

He had promised himself that no one would ever find out that Ummi was the reason he had been separated from her. Don haka ya dan dakata kadan kamin ya dago ya kalli Fa'iz da yake jiransa ya girgiza masa kai kawai. Idan ya bude baki yasan kai tsaye bazai fadi gaskiya ba yasan qaryace shi kuma bazai so yayi qaryar ba.

Binsa da kallo kawai Fa'iz ya cigaba da yi bai ce komai ba. Jin yayi shiru yasa ya riqo hannunsa kawai yana cewa "kamin addu'a kawai pal... I'm feeling like my days are numbered. Fada maka will never solve the case so please...." Ya dan ja numfashi kadan kamin ya cigaba "don Allāh karka ce dole sai na fada maka....kamin addu'a kawai... Don Allah karka manta dani kake yimin addu'a Pal. "

His words broke Fa'iz more than he could have imagined, and he believed him. Telling him wouldn't solve anything. He would respect Fu'ad's privacy, even though that wasn't what he wanted. He knew that whatever it was, it had to be something serious for Fu'ad to refuse to tell him.

" I always pray for you, Pal, and I will always pray for you... Amman kasan mene yake damunka kuwa? "

Kai ya gyada masa Fa'iz ya dora da "heartache Fu'ad! Don Allāh to ka dage kayi overcoming koma meye... We don't want to lose you.. "

Murmushi kawai Fu'ad yayi, yaji ajikinsa he will soon loose him. Yaji kamar kwanansa yana daf da qarewa. He's 32 ynzu ya gode Allah ma da ya kai haka wasu tun kamin a haifesu suke barin duniyar.

"Kaje asibiti?"

Da kai ya amsa masa "sun baka magani?"

Nan ma da kai ya amsa masa kawai sai Fa'iz ya samu kansa da yin shiru. Ya rasa me kuma zaice nan gaba.

"Do me a favour, Fa'iz." Da sauri Fa'iz ya daga kansa yana jin zai yi masa komai har dai is on the right path.

"Call Ummi and tell her that I'm not well. Tell her I won't make it..." Fa'iz stared at him. He could clearly see something in Fu'ad's eyes as he spoke.

It now occurred to him that Fu'ad had grown to hate coming to Nigeria and he believed that whatever was troubling him was somehow connected to it!!!

To be continued....

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